#not all but most of them actually they literally can't see past their own nose but they try to be all knowing

[mx-melancholic]

I love it when christians pull out the "You don't have to listen to me but you'll see one day when you're in hell" Gladly. Bitch gladly just shut up now then. Find peace in the fact that you're so clearly right and you only have to endure me for the brief moment of your existence before you're rid of my blasphemy forever in heaven. Keep your mouth shut until then tho I fully accept your narrow point of view and I fully consent to your so-called consequences but I do not consent to your nose in my business, laws, personal freedoms, autonomy, etc.

"You'll go to hell" I'm literally already there shut up satan

[alchemistc]

It's not something he thinks about terribly often - no real reason to, until this moment, with an arm slung over Evan's waist and a pair of eyes blinking at him out of the darkness.

Maddie and Howie are significantly smaller than Buck and Tommy. They are. There's no denying it. The bed that probably fits the two of them neatly with plenty of room to spare is just no match for Evan's mile-long legs, their broad chests and wide shoulders. Evan's tendency to kick one leg out from under the duvet and Tommy's habit of sprawling are just no match for this perfectly normal sized bed.

He'd said so even as they were turning out lights, voices low as they bypassed the frankly laughable double in the spare room in favor of the master, and Evan had joked that it wasn't like they didn't end most nights practically on top of one another, anyway, so what did it matter if they were a little cramped?

And he'd been right - at the time. In a California king they barely used half the bed - some combination of torsos and limbs always sliding together, heads tucked under chins and legs tangled together, arms slung over waists and pillows shared between them. Six months past the argument that had tipped them straight out of the honeymoon phase and firmly into 'actually we're just like this and that's clearly not going to change' and Tommy can't think of a single night they've actually laid down to sleep and not ended up a sprawl of interconnected pieces.

And they'd made it work, even though Maddie and Howie's bed is not large enough for two 6'2" men.

It wouldn't be a problem, except for the shadow hovering just a few feet in front of a softly snoring Evan - wet eyes and messy hair and a trembling bottom lip that Tommy is sure other people also find as devastating as he does, in this moment. "I sleep with you?" Jee Yun murmurs, wiping at her snotty nose and blinking her eyes like she doesn't already know Tommy would do pretty much anything to wipe the sad little frown off her face.

It's just.

There's no fucking room in this bed. Sure, if she'd had a bad dream and gone to seek comfort from her parents, there'd have been room, but, as Tommy has come to understand, her parents are significantly smaller than he and Evan and if Tommy shifts his weight in the wrong direction the both of them are tumbling off one end of this bed.

Jee's lip trembles.

"Did you have a nightmare, bug?" Tommy asks softly, and Jee shakes her head fiercely, tucking her chin towards her chest, a hand reaching out to dig tiny hands into the duvet. Stubborn, like the rest of her family, a refusal to admit weakness he's been in an uphill battle to stomp out of her uncle for going on a year now. Evan mumbles incomprehensibly in his sleep, and Jee turns still-wet eyes on Tommy.

"I sleep here with Uncle Tommy?"

Which is not playing fair at all.

When they'd all but shoved Maddie and Howie out the door to go enjoy a long weekend, insistent that it would be easier on Jee if they watched her in her own home, Jee had been ecstatic. She'd bounced off the walls for hours, dragged Tommy around with all the resolve of a child aware she had him wrapped both figuratively and literally around her tiny little fingers (her whole hand could wrap around two of his fingers at a time), insisted on piggy back rides when it became clear that riding on either of their shoulders was just a recipe for bonked heads. She'd tired herself out before the sun had even set, and passed out with her head pillowed on Evan's thigh and one foot tucked in Tommy's armpit, the other shoved under his knee on the couch.

She'd barely stirred when Tommy swung her up into his arms and tucked her into bed, and Tommy had spent a good twenty minutes after the fact furiously reminding Evan that they were not having sex in his sisters bed.

("The biological impossibility of knocking me up aside, you know what it does to me when I see you with kids, Tommy."

"Yeah, well, let your non-existent ovaries quiver with excitement for a few more days and I'll make it up to you.")

The Uncle Tommy thing is new. As in, she's never used it before this evening, nodding off in her seat while she picked at her chicken nuggets, and maybe Tommy had gone so still when she'd murmured it that Evan had actually been a little concerned, and maybe he'd indulged her request for a third episode of Bluey because of it, but he's a grown ass man who can surely let her down gently - sweep her off her feet and tuck her back in to her own bed and sit with her until she passes out again.

Or Jee can employ an absolutely deadly combo of trembling lip and tears at the corner of her eyes and Tommy can cave like the idiot he is.

Tommy assesses the scant space on Evan's side of the bed - knee curled up towards his torso and ankle dangling off the side of the bed, a hand under his cheek as he continues to snuffle in his sleep. No go there. Tommy's flush against him, knees tucked behind Evan's, arm still settled against his waist, and at his back there's plenty of space but if Tommy rolls sideways he's got maybe six inches of leeway between himself and the end of the mattress.

Tommy sighs and rolls. Jee's face lights up. Evan snorts awake and grunts in pain as he gets an elbow to the sternum and a knobbly knee to the give of his stomach when Jee climbs right up over him to shove into the newly opened space between them.

"Jee?" comes the tired voice as Evan shuffles onto his left side to face Tommy and their new company, rubbing at his eyes and smacking his lips like he's thirsty.

"Bad dream," Tommy intones softly even as Jee settles herself between them. There's a sharp knee dangerously close to his groin and a tiny little hand fisted in his sleep shirt and a face shoved into his rib cage, and Evan is giving him that look again.

Evan rests a hand against Jee's back, fingers shifting back and forth across her shoulders while she shifts her weight to find the optimal position. Jee sighs into Tommy's shirt, hot wet breath fanning out over the little spot, and kicks a leg back at an angle that must just miss something soft of Evan's, if the look in his face is anything to go by.

She's asleep before Tommy can count to ten - out like a fucking light in the space between them.

Evan's eyes meet his. It's a conversation they've had in fits and starts for months, now - since the first time he caught sight of Evan holding a baby and nearly had a meltdown in aisle three of Trader Joe's because he'd tucked that idea away years ago.

It's one they really need to have in full. Soon.

Evan's hand shifts, fingers reaching for the bolt of Tommy's jaw, thumb pressing into his cleft and then shifting sideways. "She played you like a fiddle," Evan says, voice soft, grin going wide, and Tommy glances down at the shock of dark hair tucked between them with the sudden realization that of the two of them, Evan is gonna end up being the disciplinarian.

Christ, they're fucking screwed.

He breathes, rubs his face into the pillow, reaches up to cup Evan's hand in his palm, enjoying the stretch of heat across his cheek and jaw.

"Go back to sleep," Tommy tells him, and doesn't fight the pull of a few more hours for himself when Evan sighs and lets his eyes drift closed.

[ireneaesthetic]

Pointing out little moments and details of my fav s3 scene.

choir practice scene • episode 2

this scene caught me so off guard, in the best way possible.

it only took simon's "you should do an activity you actually like" for wilhelm to drop everything and choose getting to spend more time with him!

simon's reaction at wille joining the choir was also mine: he can't believe his eyes and keeps looking back at him with the brightest smile on his face. and simon shifting wille's attention to where the song lyric is bc it's all new to him is adorable.

wilhelm's little proud smirk between the kisses while simon is so into it: he knew and imagined simon's surprised and happy reaction to all this, but i bet he was thriving to see it up until this very moment. so he might just be thinking that he made the best choice of his life.

having to practice and wait for everyone to leave was probably torture for simon, when all he really wanted to do since wille came in was this (simon's main love language is clearly acts of service btw *cough*). he felt important, cared for, loved - and couldn't wait to reciprocate it.

also, he's holding the key chain and happens to do the middle finger with the same hand. if you look at it as a way of saying 'mind your own business' to us is quite funny.

simon setting the rhythm and wilhelm fully going along with it. they don't even separate their lips before leaning in for another kiss - melting into it. they literally said 'no need to catch air bc we're already breathing each other in'.

simon not breaking physical contact even once. his hands are the third main character in this scene: they act like a glue for their bodies and carry so much passion. it is peak chemistry.

going on his tiptoes to push himself as close as possible and clinging to wille for dear life is the most simon thing he's ever done. love really brings out the cuddliest version of him.

smiling into the kisses and out of the kisses? insane of them if you ask me (i support it) (keep doing it lovers).

wille smiling and biting his lip bc he's the one overwhelmed by simon's presence now. physical touch is his love language and he's flooded with simon's - he must feel the luckiest boyfriend on earth.

one of their greatest proofs of love has always been to provide each other's comfort by being exactly what they lack receiving from other people or what they need most of the times - it's a constant learning of how to give and take.

they can't get enough of it: it's not even only about the kissing but more about their need to just keep pulling the other closer, leaning into each other, slowing their movements to not leg go yet but take time to touch and deeply feel instead - wille's face speaks for itself. this hug is so intimate ugh.

it's finally shown a glimpse of wille's hand on simon's back! it was always there obv but it's nice to see it more properly.

wilhelm obsessing over simon's neck and simon who tilts his head back to make it more accessible. wille could've done it all and trace the path with kisses - simon wished - but the boy knew what he was doing!

the way simon looks up at him and wille rubs their noses back and forth, keeping his eyes on him, gives me butterflies.

they're super affectionate and it's the easiest thing for them to do. the intimacy that comes with their whispering, their own personal space becoming one for both of them to share bc it's safer, warmer, a lot more comfortable. everything is such a manifesto of how much they genuinely adore each other - it's what makes this the it scene for me.

their bottom lips touching are sooo *internally screaming*.

wilhelm stands still to let simon's lips brush past his own and simon's cheek resting against wille's lips to enjoy the feeling a little longer. they look so peaceful.

it happens after wille's "i like listening to you sing": they went from "he likes it when i sing" / "i do too, don't i?" (locker room's fight in s2) to wilhelm actually telling him that listening to his voice is one of the main reasons he joined the choir. it has to be extremely special for simon to finally hear it.

idk if it's just my mind making this up but let's pretend simon is kissing wille's neck here!

wilhelm picking simon up by the waist to carry him elsewhere and keep the thing going more privately. that's my wille.

can you believe this is the face of someone who's saying that he needs to go? to not miss the bus? he just looks crazy in love to me.

wille's laugh is cute! and simon throwing his stuff on the floor bc the priority was to push his boyfriend against the lockers to make out will never not be funny.

also, @allthefakepeople once said the only thing that could've made this scene even more perfect is if simon paused when walking away and ran back to wille to steal a quick goodbye kiss - ahhh i'd have been so here for it!

[fishfingersandscarves]

I don't even bother scrolling the ao3 armandaniel tag anymore, I just wait for your glorious art and then read whatever you illustrate...

That being said if you had any recommendations I'd happily take the o' knowledgeable one

ah nonnie i am happy to pull some from my meticulously vetted list

remember to read and mind all the tags

a haunting just for company by valkyrisms

"I know what a breakup looks like," Daniel says. "The better question is, why are you coming to me about it? I'm the one who broke up your little sham." "This is what humans do, don't they?" Armand asks, letting his voice drop. "Crashing on their friends' couches when there's a blip in their romances?" "Except we're not friends. We're actually very much not friends." Daniel shrugs, as if it's all the same to him. "And I can't imagine the great vampire Armand deigning himself to sleep on my fucked-up sofa. That thing's been here since the nineties." "Well," Armand only says. "I saw you have a guest bedroom."

Lie Back and Let Me Unlock You by Thunder_Puss

Independently wealthy man, early 30's, seeks arrangement with young male aged 18-25, not too muscular and no more than 200lbs (anything more would be most unmanageable) to share my apartment and affection with for 1 year until slaughter. All needs up to that point will be met -surpassingly so, I must admit, as I can be rather doting. There will be no need to consider expenses as they will be covered entirely by myself- "-There will be a rigorous interview process consisting of correspondence by email..." Daniel shook his head, laughing. "Of course, buddy. I'm sure I'll have a lot of competition." He raised his whiskey glass to his lips and wet them. "If this sounds like an amenable blah blah... Christ, this guy is verbose. I'll have to bring along a thesaurus to keep up." Daniel Molloy was 24, not too muscular, and no more than 200lbs. He was also steadfast and enterprising -when he could keep his nose clean- and had nothing more interesting to do than chase a story about an independently wealthy man with the screen name Botticelli_Angel who seemed to have the world's most taboo kink. Daniel could play the part, see where the story took him for a while. If shit got too weird, he'd dip. (Spoiler: He doesn’t dip.)

the sin and this mess we're in by ringfinger

He’s sitting on a beach he hates, trading shitty jokes with a centuries-old monster whose body count would put Ed Gein to shame and who is almost certainly also plotting to turn him into a flesh lampshade. “Don’t be dramatic,” Armand says, picking up on that thread, “I do wish you’d stop returning to that.”

how memory makes monsters into myth by blueskiddoo

“I said I’m fine, Alice,” Daniel snaps, and time itself grinds to a halt. Not literally. Ha. The things you have to specify with vampires. Daniel wishes he could laugh, but the sound is stuck somewhere in his throat, along with his heart. Now, of course, his hand chooses to be perfectly still. Why the fuck did he say that? * daniel keeps slipping up and mistaking armand for his ex-wife and the more he looks back on his memories, the less reliable they get. he's pretty sure he married alice molloy, but how do you marry a woman who apparently never existed? armand is armand about it.

chase away my heart and heartache by sahwen

With nowhere to go and an eternity ahead of him, Armand decided to work his way backwards. Or: Armand's Tour de Divorce in six acts.

to stretch the night, to fill it fuller with dreams by typefortydeductions

Armand and Daniel return to Venice to confront some of Armand's oldest demons. Louis comes with them, trailing ghosts of his own.

I am the least difficult of men. All I want is boundless love. by cannibalenthusiast

“Did we call each other boyfriend? Surely not. Sounds weird even saying out loud.” “You were my beloved,” Armand says. “My lover. My boy.” “Your human pet. Your mortal fool. I get it,” Daniel says, not neglecting to notice his use of the past tense. “You want to go see a movie?”

such a pretty box (all fancy wrappings, and a bow on top) by snuffreel

“That is a fascinating shade of scarlet. In the dark, now, it almost matches the color of her blood.” Or: Armand, Daniel, and the age-old question of what's really inside a girl.

flash the camera (you're a star) by exastris_scientia

Daniel is starting to think he should put a little more thought into the promises he makes in the heat of the moment. He’d qualified it a little, sure, so technically he doesn’t have to do it. And it’s not like he needs the money, not after Louis and Armand had thrown his that’s my whore number comment back in his face by actually paying him ten million fucking dollars. But a promise is a promise, even if it’s one literally no one would expect him to follow through on. Whatever. He said he would, so he will. It might be fun. So he starts an OnlyFans.

bang it up inside by leavethebes

"Come on," Daniel goads. "Come the fuck on."

she will be your living end by kanxie

Daniel reaches his hand out for Armand to take. They wait a few moments in silence as the world stops moving around them. The animals hush. The air stills. A faint smell of smoky dust drops from the sky and lifts from the ground. Rural Armenia has always been too quiet for Armand, but this is to a level where noise itself seems to atrophy into a cold, nightmare-like state. Armand takes his hand, and the usual dampened sounds of movement are stark in this nothingness. “It's okay to admit you're scared,” says Daniel. His deep and rumbling voice. Armand keens for it in the lamplight.

Armand and Daniel are at home when the bell tolls.

Backroads to Sonoma by burntcrimson

Where the hell have you been, Daniel wonders, and why me? A bloody American summer in the belly of the AIDS crisis.

open eyes and behind your teeth by tisiphones

It wasn't fascinating, the way the boy didn't know whether to lean into the touch or away from it, confused by the comfort and the pain it offered in equal measures. It wasn't. Armand could do the same thing — did do the same thing, whenever Louis deigned to touch him at all — and Louis still thought he was boring. It couldn't be this that had captivated him. But that didn't mean it wasn't fun. --- Armand weighs the pros and cons of dog ownership.

[recycledraccoon]

Quick! I'm from the future!! I need your inkblade headcanons or scenarios or the universe will implode!

Ok ok, I can do this. I can answer this ask without going out of control. I can be normal about this, I can.

I don't have very many hardset headcanons, but more vibes that rise and fall like the tide. Oisin's fins/head-crest flare out ramrod straight and the spines turn as purple as his face if he's blushing hard enough. I will die on this hill. Oisin's non-verbal emotions are actually really easy to pick up on if he's too distracted to keep them tightly in control. A thick dragonborn tail lashing back and forth like an outlet for Emotions That Are Too Big can be really inconvenient in a highschool hallway. The rise and fall of his fins/head-crest are MUCH harder to hide however. Oisin also smells perpetually of petrichor, and it drives Adaine insane.

1. I think Oisin's crush started softly, and with indescribable longing, probably before he ever knew who she was. Freshman year, a Thursday Intro To Glyphs class. He doesn't know or talk to her at all, just a face in a class he has that he barely notices. So he's not falling for her quite yet.

I think he first fell in love in the way one does when you see a stranger sitting across from you on the public bus or train. The sunlight hit her hair and he couldn't take his eyes off suddenly. Maybe he saw her smiling and laughing with her friends, maybe she was rolling her eyes at them with her nose scrunched up just a little in faint judgement, maybe he can't even remember because while walking past in the hallway he had been so dumb-struck for a second he walked face first into an open locker door to Ivy's absolute confusion. (She does laugh at him mercilessly, even if he won't say why he walked into it.)

It's a moment of "I don't know you, you don't know me, but for one unfathomably long moment I wanted nothing more than to imagine a life lived that included basking near you and your smile every day until I die."

Unrealistic right? Just a passing stranger, this isn't a love story, it's an average Tuesday and Oisin has homework and an appointment with his party in the forest after school.

He gathers his bearings and moves on, and if his mind wanders back to the girl in the hall who had captivated him to lethal effect? Well it's a pleasant memory for him and he thinks that's allowed, right?

Except she's in his Glyph class two days later, he realizes, and suddenly that hallway moment of longing rushes back until his entire face is purple and he's trying not to stare at the occasionally stuttering but brilliant wizard girl two rows ahead in class.

1a. I think Oisin continued to take Glyph classes at first because he hoped she would too. Adaine doesn't, but Oisin continues because he is good at them and enjoys it and it's certainly easier to learn when he's not distracted in class 70% of the time.

2. As Oisin gets older, more and more of his dragonic nature becomes apparent. It's like a second puberty happening concurrently with normal puberty, which means it's a rollercoaster nightmare for him and the High Five Heroes/Rat Grinders.

2a. Dragons have hoards, but not all dragons hoard the same things, even within their own subclasses. Still, Oisin has quite a few gems and jewels in his fledgling hoard, despite not knowing what he most wants to hoard, and if his favorite gem just so happens to be one that reminds him of the shade of blue in a particular elven girl's eyes then-

2b. Oisin also has a deep fondness for rain and storms. He always knows if it's incoming even if it's not in the forecast. Something primal in him connects to the raging skies, for good or ill. It makes him feel confident and powerful. He also considers it very romantic. Unfortunately, Adaine gets so cross with him anytime she hears him predict a storm coming, even if he's talking to literally anyone else. (Adaine thinks Oisin is a storm himself, and if she is not careful she will be like the last Oracle and have forgotten to stock up on water breathing spells and drown in him amidst the storm of his being.)

2c. Dragons also hold great respect for power and prowess. Physical fights for hierarchy, play, or even courtship are very normal. For all that they are sentient brilliant beings, Dragons are still wild, untameable, primal things. This lurks underneath all of them, good or evil. Some are just more adept at hiding it. For courtship, this comes into play as sizing the other up. Both sides are looking to find out whether or not the other has any worth as a long term partner who would need to help guard the nest. Protecting eggs and hoards from greedy adventurers is serious business. There are reasons there aren't many truly ancient dragons. Too large a discrepancy in strength can sometimes be a turn off for the stronger one, so the most successful courtships are usually of similarly strong dragons, or at least, ones that put up enough of a fight despite the gap.

c1. Oisin, seeing the great accomplishments and prowess of Adaine Abernant over the course of Freshman year, feels a deep stirring even before he's rage-starred. He wants to fight her so badly, to sling magic and bloody teeth until the raging beast inside is sated. Naturally this scares him at first, and Oisin REFUSES to seek Adaine out to talk because of it, because the teen boy part of himself wants something kind, soft and tender between them, while the dragon making itself known as he ages wants to prove itself strong to her.

Later, he will tell himself this urge was ENTIRELY because he'd been on the path towards being contaminated-then-consumed with rage and wanted the Bad Kids dead. Absolutely not because it's the first step in traditional dragon courtship. He just wants to prove himself to her. He wants to feel for himself the confirmation of her renowned battle prowess. This is all for purely rival-related reasons, he tells himself. He is, perhaps, a bit of a liar.

3. Adaine's crush, not just her thinking he's cute but her actual legitimate crush on him, actually starts when the Rat Grinders are being redeemed post-Junior Year.

Like, she hates his GUTS. He made her feel belittled and stupid during Junior year, and yes they kicked his and his friends asses, but also now they just have to deal with them still being around. (Yes this is how they made friends with Ragh too, but they're petty.)

Except...so now they have to spend time together, maybe in classes maybe because Lucy loves her friends despite everything but is also now a friend of The Bad Kids. The former Rat Grinders are CLEARLY trying so hard to be better and kinder, but still the parties are mingling and there is tension but its also so fucking funny.

So Adaine and Oisin's interactions is just a montage of them being assholes to each other. Oisin can be polite and respectable, funny even, with everyone BUT Adaine apparently. Bickering about wizard things, taunting cutting words, and Adaine repeatedly trying to punch his smug face whenever he gets too close while gloating if he's right about something.

3a. Adaine literally tells Aelwyn that while she wants and needs kindness, she does acknowledge that it's messed up that she wishes someone was a little mean to her sometimes. This rivalry with Oisin is NOT WHAT SHE MEANT!!!!!! (the monkey paw curls)

3b. The worst part, is no matter how much Adaine hates Oisin, is that it doesn't stop him from being attractive. Oh sure, she thinks he's an absolute asshole when he's sitting across from her in the library, but......

He's still absurdly tall, with large arms that are for more than just show. The conjuration tattoos are both practical and very pleasing to the eye, the almost electric blue of them a pleasing contrast to the softer blue shade of his scales.

The contradiction of those large round spectacles resting on his snout makes him look just dorky enough to go from being just another buff guy to being....well. Unfortunately, the glasses also do nothing to shield Adaine from the weight of his gaze.

When he looks at her with his full attention, behind those glasses are eyes of molten gold, and trained solely on her that gaze feels searing hot wherever it lands.

3c. Or perhaps, the worst part is she despises how he laughs. Sometimes, when she says something as clever as it is cutting, Oisin throws his head back just a little to laugh, bright and warm, all while his throat rumbles. It must be something draconic in nature, like a strong purr or distant rain clouds. It's much harder to get him to make that particular sound when he laughs, and the rumble feels unfairly like victory. Like she cracked the careful fascade he puts up to pretend like he's not a dragon.

The rumble also feels particularly reminiscent of butterflies in her stomach. (She elects to ignore this part.)

4. Oisin is a dragon, and he is a little obsessed with Adaine even if he doesn't dare to dream of going on an actual date with her after everything from the previous year. He cannot imagine a world where she would ever again believe him to be genuine in affection or intention towards romantic feelings. No instance of genuine fluster could ever be seen as anything but a clever ruse, he tells himself, he certainly wouldn't believe it if it was him.

But he's got her attention now, and he is possessive of that, of what he CAN get. Even if she hates his guts and pointblank threatens to kill him if he steps out of line-

Even if it's because she hates him, Oisin still has her eyes on him. Eyes like clear skies before the rolling storm, like they can pierce through everything he is and will ever be and know the truth of it.

Every conversation is like a battle, a verbal sparring that he TELLS himself is nothing at all like the courtship fights, but oh how sweet does it sound to his inner dragon. She could be cussing him out and he could feel like his heart would burst from his chest from the affection he feels, even as he riles her up further, until she slips into saccharine elven curses that he can practically taste on his forked tongue.

4a. Once he tosses back a clever jape in draconic at her. When she immediately starts in on him with the gutteral words of his native tongue, perfectly fluent but lilted ever so slightly like a refined melody, his tail accidentally knocks over a chair and his crest flares so strongly that he KNOWS his face must be more purple than a ripe plum. He's lost a battle and her laughter at the way he flees claiming he forgot something haunts him for days. He tries to get revenge by whispering things under his breath at her in Elvish, and her glare is divine, but it's so risky because she might just start talking to him draconic again and Oisin fears he could live a thousand years and still not be able to handle the sound of it when it falls from her lips.

a1. It's a lost cause. Adaine has a weakness now, and she wields it with all the precision she's developed on a battlefield. It's the cutest surest way to put him in his place, rile him up with the same burning fire that he seems so expert in stirring up in her. Oh he might try to argue back in draconic, or even throw a taunt out in Elvish, but he always stalks off first. (He makes the refined, posh but ancient language of Elvish sound like something Tracker would appreciate. He makes it sound ever so slightly wild, like something else is lurking behind all the refinery. Adaine is well practiced in steadying her breathing, and Oisin always cracks first.)

5. Everyone has seen these two bicker back and forth, and everyone knows trying to get them to stop or get between them means the two turn as a united front against whoever interrupted, and that's honestly worse.

5a. The Bad Kids and High Five Heroes/Rat Grinders have an ongoing bet amongst themselves on on if the two will snap and legitimately murder each other, or snap and start making out in the library. It's honestly way too elaborate of a betting system with odds changing all the time, but it is actually probably the most fun, non-tense bonding the two groups have together. They have also gone to GREAT LENGTHS to keep it secret from the two wizards, especially when one of them is the fucking ORACLE.

6. It's not all bickering and scathing words. Sometimes, when nobody else is around to see behind this precarious curtain...its soft and tender too.

6a. Sometimes, when Adaine is genuinely having a bad day and feels one wrong moment from truly snapping, she feels the magic of a conjured summon passing by whatever table or nook she stowed herself away to hide in. The smell of arcane-tinted petrichor lingers afterwards, and settled nearby is a warm drink that hadn't been there before. Sometimes its tea's she's fond of, sometimes a warm peppermint mocha from her favorite coffee place downtown. Against her better judgement, she is increasingly fond of the smell of rain. 6b. Sometimes, the rage feels like it never left Oisin's body. It burns him inside and out, and he's so exhausted fighting back these aftershocks. He is trying every day to make up for what he's done, but the feeling of unbridled rage haunts him. To indulge is to fail, fall off the wagon, and he will not falter, even if he squeezes his hands so tightly they bleed beneath his claws. A message cantrip blooms to life in his mind. Melodic, lilted draconic, giving not words of comfort, but familiar unafraid taunts. It's a challenge, he knows it, and somehow that makes it easier, rage giving way to fondness and the desire to prove himself. 6c. There are more late nights in libraries and sitting close at tables in out of the way restaurants working on difficult projects then either would ever let anyone know, not that they let anyone know of them at all. It's quiet honest conversations over dusty tomes and scattered papers. (They couldn't know how to make the most cutting of remarks if they knew nothing about each other, after all.) a1. Its Oisin, laying his head down in his arms over the library table, eyes watching her sitting next to him with hair falling in her face like it always does when shes bent forward focusing intently on her work. There are many, many times when Oisin does nothing but watch in silence. Sometimes, rarely, when its late and nobody will come by except to kick them out- He reaches a claw to gingerly tuck the silken gold hair behind the bright red ear of a girl who doesn't say anything about it, before he looks away entirely, trying to ignore the way he can feel his crest fluttering up and down as it seemingly contemplates flaring out.

a2. It's Adaine, rolling her eyes with no heat, as she steps into his personal space and is enveloped in the smell of petrichor. Calloused fingers lingering on rough scales as she ever so gently corrects a stance or spell casting motion that the unfairly tall dragonborn boy next to her had been working on perfecting.

The both know she doesn't have to be so close for this, that another demonstration from beside him would work just fine. He doesn't have to bend ever so slightly, dip his long draconian neck down so he can better hear her murmured words either, so close they can feel the heat of the others breath. He casts the spell perfectly, and Adaine steps back out to a respectable distance, and neither of them say anything about it.

7. Neither of them ever mention any of it. It feels taboo, like the triggering of a spell that will destroy both of them. The fighting, the bickering, the cutting words and sharp swords aimed at jugulars? That's easy, that's familiar and safe. It's what's supposed to happen between them, safe territory they can walk with eyes closed. It's the tenderness that's hard. It's the yearning and soft touches aborted at the last moment-

This is what would be their ruin, and the threat of it lingers above them, rolling clouds heavy with rain that just wont fall. Days, weeks, months pass by and they do not mention it.

8. Adaine, flush with Oracle-sure certainty, gestures for Oisin to slow down, to bend down low so she can tell him something. He protests, its about to rain any second and really Abernant, they're going to be late- Adaine kisses Oisin first, soft and sure as her hands cradle his scaled jaw, just as the dark clouds above them break open.

The kiss tastes like rain, and the loud, pleased rumble in her ears certainly isn't from the storm coming down on them.

[isolde-illustrates]

Fintan and Bronte Headcannons

Fintan:

He needs glasses ever since the ever blaze incident. Fintan is neither nearsighted nor farsighted; his vision was mutually messed up in both ways. Incidentally, his hearing has gotten sharper because of how much he focuses on using it.

He refuses to wear his glasses despite having damage due to the bright burning light.

He also cannot smell anything except smoke faintly whenever he is near a fire. All of his nose hair has literally burnt off, so he gets a lot of sinus infections, too. The ice prison does not help at all, and he constantly has a runny nose (which he cannot stand).

Fintan sometimes walks into walls and somehow manages to pull it off so no one except the doctor who took care of him right after the incident knows how bad his vision is (the doctor was too afraid of fintan).

Everyone in the neverseen is waiting for him to admit that he can't see, but then Fintan does crazy stuff that makes them think that he actually has perfect vision and is just faking it.

Fintan does not wear shirts under his hoodies or vests because he can't stand the extra heat. (tw: scar) Fintan also hates whenever his chest is exposed because of a scar he has from the accident, so he always laces up whatever he is wearing really tight, or adds more buttons to his shirts and vests so that there are not any gaps that could show his scar if he bent forward.

His scar could have been healed, but he wanted to keep one of the scars from that day as a reminder of what happened. It's close to his heart, although the worst part is near his stomach. Bronte knows about this scar because he overheard Fintan yelling at the doctor for trying to heal that scar when Bronte was on his way to talk with Fintan about the Council.

He loves elegant clothing. That was the third thing he hated most about being kicked off the Council. Not only did he lose his ability and power, Fintan was no longer allowed to buy certain degrees of fancy clothes. As a result, he now knows how to sew very well. He still insisted on making someone else do the patchwork in the Neverseen while he was there. Alvar and Ruy normally ended up stuck with the work.

Fintan is killer in heels. He can wear those bright red kinky boots and run in them (unless there is a tree root that he does not see). Still, if the ground is visible to him, or if it is fairly level, then he will sprint in those boots. He would also kill song 6 of Kinky Boots. There is no denying it.

He and Vespera were besties and he started out borrowing Vespera's dresses, but then just went ahead and made his own. They are both fragil and frail creatures, so it definitely would have worked.

Fintan used to have hair down to his waist, but after it got burnt in the accident, he swore that he would never let it touch his shoulders again because that was the version of himself that died in the fire, the young pyrokinetic who thought that he had nothing to lose in a dangerous lesson. The only times his hair has gotten long again have been when he has been in prison, both in Exile and now ib the ice prison. In Exile, it was just past his shoulders. Fintan had cut it again, but his time in the ice prison has gotten his hair almost to his bicep.

Fintan has a thing for chickens. Besides tasting good (he can't help that he tried it when Atlantis had humans), chickens seem so trusting of him and recognize him. He had a couple at his house, and they helped with his gardening (fertilizer).

Bronte:

He has perfect vision, which annoys Fintan to the extreme, especially because Fintan sometimes has to listen to the voice before knowing who is nearby.

Bronte learned how to speak multiple human languages, which is how he was able to speak with Amy (I don't care what Shannon says about the languages being the same, why should English be the one that is exactly like the elven language and not Latin, Persian, etc).

He knows all of the human curse words that Sophie switches into when things are bad and does not call her out on it unless she forgets to switch and stays in Elvish (because he thinks it's funny when she apologies and immediately says a string of human curse words, mainly English and Spanish, but whatever she heard in a high school with the ability to hear human thoughts). She was fluent in those words before becoming a polyglot, and sometimes Bronte lets a word slip, forgetting that Sophie is there. It has become an inside joke for them.

Bronte loves layers. He will bundle himself up in longer capes and procede to almost trip on them.

He would not be caught dead in heels. (Bronte would have, however, been caught alive in heels if it was just around Fintan. Not anymore though, because he no longer trust him after the whole Neverseen thing. Bronte was the Charlie of the two, and Fintan was the Lola.)

Bronte started cutting his hair short because Fintan teased him. Originally, he and Finran both rocked the long hair. Bronte had a mullet that went to his shoulders. His cropped hair and short height reminds Fintan of a little chick (which makes sense as Fintan doesn't know if he wants to kill Bronte or keep him forever).

[jlf23tumble]

First off YES the full clips of the early years are even more “proofy” which is actually fucking crazy - no romantic music needed!

But larries continue to cut off their nose to spite their face with the MaRRiED shit - why can no one be cool not all uncool. Not only do they sound detached from reality and how people/relationships work they also trivialize imo very real issues like forced closeting which did seem to happen in early 1D.

Ofc Harry is not out here (lol) simulating gay sex on stage like Troye but is he chained up by Sony or just living his life and not sharing every sexual encounter he has with People? He could easily have 15 boy toys in Italy (along with his deuxmoi approved gf) but because he HAS to be with Louis he is a poor man with evil harpies around him using him for their personal gain (hard eye roll because if you think those gfs were some version of not 100% real HE was using them). Larries would be happier if they accept HL are no longer together (or are occasional fuck buddies with a past) and/or they don’t want to tell you anything about their sex life because it’s none of your business. There is no coding or secret messages that only other queer people can see. Harry wearing that pink Top shirt is just Harry wearing a shirt he likes (he’s such a troll).

Obvs this came in before #recentevents, and I haven't had energy to process jack shit, but I feel you! And I have so many thoughts about it because on one hand, I get the comfort of it--a cozy ao3 hallmark movie of a story "come to life"/"trapped in amber," our friends are all vibing, we're just out here living/laffing/loving/hating on women/supporting--but on the other, yeah, that's not totally realistic, and that's literally fine, they don't know you! It's wilde to me how many people take the 24/7 for 5 years more than 10 years ago as a) categoric proof then but also b) categoric proof NOW, because even though there was a constant barrage of "content" back in the day, it wasn't 100% the truthTM, shit was messy then (see 2015, eleanor b/u #1), and it's messy now! Even today, pinterest loves to show me unedited/uncropped pictures that take my breath away, fandom whomst! Anyway, I'm yelling into various voids that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things, enjoy what you wanna enjoy, revel in it being fictional even though these are real people, but also, let me just take this moment to say I'm pouring one out for the real ones, the ones feeling isolated in groupchats, the ones who fear they can't post even the tiniest bit of doubt because they'll lose people they've come to rely on for their own personal comfort online via these two (or eep, followers, come on, liveeeee in the cringe), the ones who follow goldstars because they're the loudest and most terminally online, so there's a constant stream of "content," yet they have to face the ever-present barrage that comes with it, cropped pictures, shitting on women, the lack of any kind of nuance all. I see you!

[bonebabbles]

Riverstar's Nine Lives

I feel very bitter about this ceremony. Why even have a fast-fowarded recap of DOTC at all if you're just going to shove all the most 'recognizable' but emotionally irrelevant cats into this leadership ceremony? You couldn't have used the last 18 chapters to give Riverstar some unique cats to show up here??

I mean, besides Flutter lol, who doesn't even have a speaking line until this moment. Literally just existed for River Ripple to have man pain about.

Anyway I'm going to give each life a rating. ⭐⭐⭐⭐ = 4 stars is the highest, 1 star is the lowest.

Gray Wing: Clarity and Perspective ⭐⭐ Stupid traits for Gray Wing to be giving out, guy who can't see past his own nose and excuses his brother's evil at every step, but actually a relevant character to be giving River Ripple a life. Only gets 2 stars because he shows up in practically every ceremony, he's not special.

Quiet Rain: Kindness and Humility ⭐ why the fuck is gray wing's mother at RIVERSTAR'S ceremony? get the hell out of here. Quiet Rain is not even kind and humble outside of vaguely being a mother, come on

Moon Shadow: Patience ⭐ YOU NEVER EVEN MET HIM!!

Storm: A Wise, Nurturing Heart ⭐ YOU TOO!! HOW ARE YOU RELEVANT AT ALL?!

Jackdaw's Cry: Resilience ⭐ Well well well if it isn't the guy whose only interaction with Thunder is telling him how much he resented the baby for drinking his wife's milk. And I can't remember if he actually met River Ripple at all, either.

Hawk Swoop: Initiative ⭐ It's starting to dawn on me that one star is too charitable. How the hell can you be THIS creatively bankrupt when you spent HALF A SUPER EDITION telling a story parallel to the arc?!

Rainswept Flower: Honesty ⭐ His only comment about her is that he remembers "seeing her corpse" (read: clear sky murdering her in cold blood, and then River shakes his head and says "THEYRE all acting like foxes") which really says all you need to know about how relevant she is to him. She also says something incredibly stupid about, "lies come from the head, but truth comes from the heart" that is just. Profoundly false. People tell reactionary, knee-jerk lies and half-truths all the time, people can be deluded, people rationalize their beliefs because they don't see themselves as "bad people". This is the arc with Clear Sky!! I hate this so much!

Frost: Fairness ⭐ he says, "Treat your enemies as you would treat your friends." clear sky tried to fucking kill him via abandonment and shoved his son's face into his infected wound. Clear Sky DID kill him by starting the First Battle. Being overly ""fair"" to unfair bastards is why you have no pulse, you cosmic fart! And, again, River Ripple Does Not Know Him

Flutter: Courage ⭐⭐⭐ at least Riverstar knew this person, I guess, and she's unique to his. Frustrating that she had no speaking lines before this moment, and that they play up this whole part as a big shocking tragic revelation, emphasizing the man pain they retconned into Riverstar. I'm really trying to be charitable, here. Clap and cheer at them for how good they fridged a woman specifically for this one okayish scene.

This whole thing felt like they had NO idea what to do with Riverstar's ceremony, honestly. It's bland and generic at best, and frustrating at worst. He only really knew two of these cats, and only ONE of them had any scenes with him in this Super Edition.

A waste.

[zoestormwriting]

TEASER: To Own the Libs, chapter seven

Hello hi hello! This is chapter seven of my next novel, To Own the Libs, which will be released on September 1st! Like I did with chapter one a week ago, I'm releasing this chapter as a preview to hopefully hype the release up a little bit :3

The book can be preordered from Amazon and other online stores; the itch version and the paperback will be added on the date of release (I can't set up preorders for them).

The teaser chapter (content warning: dysphoria) can be downloaded from itch by clicking the link above 👆 and is available over there as EPUB and PDF; a small part can also be found behind the readmore cut right here 👇 if you don't wanna leave Tumblr ;)

Slowly, deliberately, I went about my night-time routine: I brushed my teeth and changed into my pajamas. It took me longer than usual, since I was concentrating on every movement, taking as long as I reasonably could.

Then, instead of going to bed, I sat down at my desk, and stared at the boxes.

Cyproterone acetate and estradiol valerate.

The two boxes were small. Innocuous. But the more I looked at them, the more menacing they seemed: after all, the chemicals they contained were able to change a person.

Well, not literally change a person. The person was the same. But their outward appearance changed radically. I knew it. I’d seen the timelines people had posted online – all part of my research, of course – and the results were incredible. Night and day. The people depicted in the “before” and “after” pictures looked very similar, yes, but like siblings or cousins: not even remotely the same person, at all.

What if…?

I got up from my desk, walked over to my wardrobe, and opened it; then, with a supreme exertion of will, I forced myself to look up, and stare at my reflection.

Ugh.

No matter how many times I saw my face, I still didn’t like it. I never had, not since I’d been thirteen or fourteen, at the very least. I ran a finger over my forehead and traced down to the tip of my nose; I brushed the back of my hand against my cheek, felt the stubble, and frowned. My electric razor didn’t give me nearly as close a shave as I would’ve liked, an actual razor would’ve been better: but I couldn’t use that without looking in the mirror.

Cute, Nora had called me. One of the cutest girls on campus.

I really didn’t see it.

I wonder what effect the hormones would have on me.

I blinked. That thought had passed, unbidden, through my mind.

Where the hell had it come from?

This whole thing was really starting to get to me. I should probably get to bed: I had no idea how long I’d spent thinking about the hormones, but it was probably already well past midnight.

I took one last look at my face in the mirror, grimaced, and closed the wardrobe door, fully intending to turn right around and get to sleep right away; and yet, despite my best intentions, I found myself sitting down at my desk and looking at the boxes again. Staring at the boxes again.

I stared hard. For a long time. I stared, refusing to avert my eyes, willing myself not to blink, until my eyes started watering. Then I blinked, and stared again.

I wonder what effect the hormones would have on me.

There. That thought again, there it went. What was up with that?

It was a bad thought. It was a terrible thought. It was a thought I shouldn’t have had. It was a thought I wasn’t supposed to have had. Not in a million years.

But somehow, it was a thought I could not manage to avert my mind’s eye from.

I couldn’t help but be curious. What effect would the hormones have on me?

I’d looked up the list: softer skin. Redistribution of fat. Some hair regrowth, maybe? That one, I had to admit, would’ve been nice – I was already starting to thin out a bit on top, which was weird since my dad still had a full head of hair.

But I was sure the results wouldn’t be that great. I’d seen the timelines, sure, but most of those people were already starting from a good place. They already looked feminine, even before HRT.

What effect would the hormones have on someone who looked like me? A person so terribly masculine, so incredibly male that you couldn’t mistake them for anything else?

“Two of those, morning and evening,” I whispered, almost mesmerised. “So one right now. And half of one of those per day, evenings are better.”

Without thinking, I opened the boxes; I popped two pills out of their blisters, then broke one in half and put one half carefully back where it had come from.

I looked down at the pill-and-a-half, cupped in the palm of my hand. Estradiol and cyproterone. Light blue and white. Small. Innocuous.

Menacing.

Why shouldn’t I try it?

Just for a while, to see how it felt.

After all, what was that if not more gathering material for the article I was planning to write? Real life experience: can’t beat that.

I could stop any time I wanted anyway. I’d done the research: it would take several months before the effects mounted up to the point that they weren’t easily reversible. So taking estradiol and cyproterone for a couple weeks – or a couple months – was no big deal.

I chuckled to myself, remembering how startled I’d been to learn The Matrix had been written by two trans women. Later on my friends had explained to me that the red pill was a stand-in for Premarin, which had been the estrogen of choice at the time the movie had been made. It was quite ironic: all those idiots on the Internet, who proudly declared themselves to be “redpilled,” none of them probably knew what that really meant.

I looked down at the pills again: cyproterone and estradiol.

White and light blue.

The instrument of many a trans person’s change.

Could they be the instrument of my change, too?

You take the blue pill, and I show you just how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

...Was there a reason to not take them?

Let’s think about this carefully, Lily. You’ve always been a logical person, put the two things on the scale and see how they balance out.

Pros of taking the pills: I would get first-hand experience of what that feels like.

Cons of taking the pills: my body might change a bit; the changes, however, wouldn’t be permanent until several months in. I might become a bit cuter, maybe.

Probably not, given the starting material.

(Ugh.)

But possibly? Well, whatever.

Why would I want to become cuter anyway?

For whatever reason, my mind flashed to Nora for a moment.

No, don’t get distracted. Keep going.

Pros of not taking the pills… None that I could think of, really.

Cons of not taking the pills: having to explain to my queer friends exactly why I wasn’t taking them. And it’s not like “I don’t feel it’s the right moment for me” was going to cut it – all trans people want to get on hormones as soon as possible, after all, so me not doing it would be weird. It might arouse some suspicion. They might even discover that I was just pretending to be trans. And then I would have to stop.

So, yeah. Summing everything up, I had a clear picture in my mind.

Taking the pills: one big pro, and one small con. Not taking the pills: no pros, one big con.

Once again, I looked down at the hormones in my hand.

My other hand moved, almost without me thinking about it. Almost automatically. I grabbed the water bottle that was on my desk.

I quickly popped the pills into my mouth, and chased them down with a big swig of water. Then another one. And another one, until the half-litre bottle had been completely drained.

Then, before I could think about what I’d just done, I tucked myself into bed and turned off the light.

Sleep didn’t come easy to me that night.

[bigbobbiehorror]

Slow Damage in Hunger Games simulator

This was 100% a product of boredom.

Honestly I know that I picked a couple of characters that are dead in-game, but I don't care because I kind of wanted to add them to the mix for the sake of diversity.

Teams were also not very well-thought out, but it should serve its purpose too

So here goes how this sim turned out!

First off: good on Towa trying to start eating for once, but didn't need to break Mayu's nose for that.

Lisa steals from a literal child, Kotarou is done with Mayu's weeb ass and ditches him and Towa keeps getting food. And Fujieda blows Toono's ass for good measure!

Honami delivers sweet payback to Mizuno, good for her! Meanwhile Fujieda is having a conscience crisis after killing a guy. Mayu forgives Towa for breaking his nose, and now I'm having second thoughts about letting Mei into the Hunger Games.

How is Rei discovering all these caves? Taeko turns savage and kills a poor weeb... and Ikuina spies a mysterious reunion between Maya and Taku... 🤔 And Junko consistently proves that knives aren't acceptable for brawling.

RIP Golden Retriever boy (sorry for misgendering you) & RIP Milquetoast Gay Nurse. Sakaki is acting sus with Rei. Fujieda and Towa have a moment while Taku is on the background tending himself, probably.

Sorry, but Madarame just chilling and picking flowers is so funny.

Sponsors decided the girls weren't killing enough people, so free hatchets! And RIP Eiji & Rei, Madarame is just getting started. Fujieda continues to have a mental breakdown and everyone except Towa sucks at making fires, apparently.

RIP Junko, you served looks anywhere you were. Also RIP Taku, Arata, Kotarou and the Roost Owner. Except Sakaki, he can eat shit. Madarame on a murder rampage while his ex is picking up flowers is such a mood.

Taeko decides that murder is kinda hot actually and gets a piece of that fat ass. On the side, Ikuina and Towa are having a normal one, while Maya and Lisa sustain a one-night toxic yuri session.

Also, I just feel happy that Fujieda and Mei are finally reunited 🥲

Mayu goes wild, he decides to avenge his fallen friends! RIP Madarame, you smug asshole. Also RIP Lisa.

RIP Ikuina, Honami & Mayu, you were too good for this game. As for Maya:

Taeko is now having a bit of inner-searching with someone from the past. And Fujieda is now being an ass, but that's too in-character, as far as I'm concerned.

This is consistently the most Towa has gone through just to eat.

Aaaand, there it is. That's a Bad End. RIP Towa, wish you could've talked things over. And RIP Taeko, you fought good.

...

Which leaves us with only Fujieda and Mei,

Two siblings who have been separated years ago, finally reunited under tragic and precarious circumstances. It's a bittersweet sort of meeting, they have their own lives to fight for, they barely have any time to even talk to each other... but now that every other contestant is gone... they can finally let their guard down.

Mei is so happy to see him alive, even if his hands are stained with blood, even with the horrors they had to live through. Fujieda is so happy, finally having the chance to hold her, to talk to her... it was what he's been hoping for years.

So they do what they've been wanting to. They talk, they cry, they laugh together, they hold each other until the sun sets, until they start to get hungry. There's still supplies left, they can cook something for dinner, so Fujieda decides to cook, because he's the big brother and he's supposed to take care of his little sister.

Mei is thrilled, having missed the tenderness of her brother and she looks forward for the meal they'll share...

... except, she forgets one small single detail:

Her brother can't cook for shit.

And so, Fujieda wins the Hunger Games,

but at what cost?

[dangerously-human]

I was tagged by @alyss-mainwarning for a song shuffle game (I always enjoy these!). Putting in a separate post instead of reblogging because I'm old-fashioned, and I think it's just easier to navigate.

rules: shuffle your “on repeat” playlist and post the first 10 tracks, then tag 10 people

I think we're probably not surprised at this point that it's pretty much all stuff off Ghostbustin' With the Buds, right?

Fairlies - Grian Chatten: Contribution from @womaninwinter's sickos playlist and it's a great THB sound from LW's self-denial POV, especially "Do you miss the days before hope knocked on your door? But you went and fell in love, and into love you fell, and it made you feel unwell, oh well" (Ah. Ow.)

House a Habit - We Are the Guests: I can't remember whose playlist I got this off of, but wow, VERY Lucy leaving vibes, especially the way the narration goes back and forth between the man and woman singing in the second verse. But seriously, this is just painfully on the nose, with lines like "I don't know if I should stay or should I go, he told me this house would always be our home… Everyone tells me to just stay the same, but it's not like that, no it's not like that, oh, tell me someone's out there listening to me 'cause I wanna know that like I wanna know you, oh, stay with me… Everyone tells me you're fine, don't be in love, let's make this house a habit… Oh please don't imagine a life without me, at least not yet, this house is a habit and it's lovely to live in it… This head is a hospital, someone please tend to it" (!!!)

Waking Up - We the Kingdom: I've talked about this one before multiple times, the victorious declaration of returning from the Other Side ("I am alive in the land of the living") as well as something that captures my own healing after the depression years.

Summerland - half•alive: Captures the temporary elation of the warmer months in a way I think vibes well with how Lucy describes that season for the Portland Row trio, the way it's the cycle of it all that even makes it meaningful, and the hope of it all in the ups and downs! "Whatever ain't golden now will only come back around." I'm particularly attached to this for the unseen summer between TCS and TEG. (Also this has been stuck in my head for at least the last week.)

Hot Tea - half•alive: Freaking cute Locklyle vibes! Especially fitting considering all the waxing eloquent about the comforts of good hot tea in these books. "Hold you in my hands like hot tea, knowing I'm safe 'cause you want me," the adopted feral cat energy, it's perfect.

Tip Toes - half•alive: Okay well, I guess this answers the question of what artist is most represented in my L&Co playlist. 😆 (They're actually in second place for that distinction, it's just that I'm also new to their music and so least likely to skip.) This song is SO Lockwood coded, especially the way his desire to make his family name immortal can blur the lines into pride, even the misplaced sacrificial nature and the way he needs to frequently reassess his priorities as a leader. "I'm on my tiptoes, trying to see past my ego, reaching for something more than this feeling of being important, leaving my hear behind is bleeding, but still my pride is screaming, my future will listen to me, will I always know this divide, living most of this war inside, take the ghost of me with the tide to die and release my heart to come alive" - like!!!

Dancing in the Minefields - Andrew Peterson: Used very recently for fanfic title purposes (That's What the Promise Is For), this one just screams Locklyle, married young and facing life's challenges together and helping each other remember the light in the world when the dark closes in. Literally could quote the entire thing for them and struggled not to when I posted the fic, so to choose something I didn't put there, can we just all shriek about that third verse/bridge, especially "So there's nothing left to fear, so I'll walk with you in the shadowlands till the shadows disappear, 'cause he promised not to leave us and his promises are true, so in the face of all this chaos, baby I can dance with you," together?

still feel - half•alive: At any given time having exclamation point variety thoughts about these lyrics, especially as applied to Lockwood, or Kipps, or tbh just broadly across this series. "To realize the hand of life is reaching out, to rid me of my pride I call allegiance to myself… Oh I am not a slave, can't be contained, so pick me from the dark and pull me from the grave, 'cause I still feel alive, when it's hopeless, I start to notice, oh, and I still feel alive" I AM FEELING THINGS!!

Out of the Dark - Tritonal, EMME: I've had this one on repeat while driving a lot lately, it's a great sound, and also a very fun Locklyle song post-THB. Obviously "I know you're scared of diving deep, afraid of what's just out of reach… Sometimes the weight's too much to carry, when it gets heavy, feels like everything's falling apart, so unsteady, you'll be the light to get out of the dark" is delightful imagery for our beloved burdened ghostbusting duo, but also the dual meaning of "There's an end in sight, just hold on tight, you'll make it to the other side" is chef's kiss, they're going to make it to their hash-it-out conversation on the Other Side in TCS and also make it to the other side of the dark in terms of emotional context and setting. Obsessed.

Twenty Something - Nightly: I've already said a few times this is my best inspiration for writing introspective angst lately, used for a Fringe WIP in addition to being on repeat for the writing of Living With the Ghost of You, especially the Lockwood POV chapter. The lyrics are only right at a slant but the vibe is perfect.

I just did one of these so I'm not going to tag anyone this round, but if you happen across this and want to join in, please do say I tagged you!

[chemicalbrew]

2023 game list, part 2: more like one game six+ times 🥉

I'll be honest: I separated this year's list into two parts mostly for ease of editing (the first part had ten lengthy entries I got tired of scrolling past long ago), but also... I thought it would be nice to have a clear divide between games I was not quite happy with and the few games that managed to impress me this year. If for some reason you want to see me being salty first, you can click here, but other than that... we're good to get this show on the road!

Ys IX: Monstrum Nox (PC, 2019; 2021 port) [♪ New Life]

This one will be more of a rapid-fire ramble, because, even though I enjoyed the game and am willing to defend certain aspects of it, there's little doubt that it's one of this series' weaker outings. Really, it making it onto the second half of the list is mostly due to bias and the fact that this series' core systems (most of which any Ys fan is painfully familiar with) are consistently good, mindless fun. Anyway, here's my more scattered thoughts I can't be bothered to stitch together:

The soundtrack is mostly an obvious downgrade and largely forgettable - literally the only tracks that stayed with me even a little are the one linked and, surprisingly, Marionette, Marionette, but that's to be expected of nu-Falcom :(

The amount of references to past games Monstrum Nox has shows good self-awareness and is something I was absolutely not expecting. I'm just familiar enough with Ys to pick up on most of them, so I wonder how subtle they are for those without the knowledge.

I actually loved being confined inside Balduq and forced to explore every nook and cranny of it, even more so because of how it contrasts with the openness of Ys 8. They pulled no stops when it came to committing to the aesthetic, and I was caught off guard with how much I liked it all. A highlight to me is the graffiti you can find all over the streets!

The new gift abilities greatly expand traversal options, even if implementation of them is not exactly free-form. A bold idea and one I enjoyed greatly. Otherwise, there isn't much major change in how exploration and battling works from 8, but there really doesn't need to be, I think. They fixed the fucking raid mechanic, and that's all that matters - even if the equivalent of it feels horribly tacked on.

Most people would say the Monstrum designs are over the top, but I personally don't care. They all slap, especially Doll and Adol himself, of course (I was ogling that long hair even before the game came out, hell yeah). As for their personal arcs, nothing really stands out the way Dana did in 8, despite each character getting their own time to shine, but I can forgive an Ys game for not bothering with complex characters. In particular, the development surrounding Jules and the conundrum with his disabilities, while somewhat barebones, didn't feel disrespectful at all and was a super pleasant surprise.

(screenshot that doesn't have much to do with anything, I just liked it)

The homunculus twist at the end of the game came out of nowhere and ruined my final impression of the story greatly. That's all, really.

Chained Echoes (PC, 2022) [♪ Standing Tall]

One of my clearest memories of Chained Echoes is the amount of people I'd seen among circles of RPG fans crying out last December that this is the game that was going to snatch the title of GOTY right from everyone's noses. Admittedly, this is one of those silly cases where I recall being intrigued by the name of the game alone (how often does that even happen these days?), and the rest was just a bonus - yes, even the impressive pixel art and soundtrack.

This makes me think I'd had healthier expectations of this game than most people, but even then… The truth of the matter is that Chained Echoes will never leave the shadows of the classics from the 90s it proudly claims to be inspired by. In trying to make itself stand out and match its own ambitions, it forgets itself and fails to leave a lasting impression - I can certainly say I enjoyed the time I spent, but when I remember more about fighting sentient vegetables than how the game actually ended, something is obviously wrong.

Now, I loved smacking the hell out of those vegetables - the battle system is decently refined for the most part, and values your time greatly. To me, the most notable features of the process are those shamelessly taken from Chrono Cross, and for good reason: if there's anything that game nailed, it's the on-field enemy encounters, automatic resource restoration between battles, and what's probably one of its more well-known ideas - lack of EXP in a conventional sense. Chained Echoes wholeheartedly embraces those conveniences, almost as if to ask 'Why isn't all this standard yet? It's the 2020s!', and I find myself agreeing. The unique systems this game presents on top of everything are hit or miss (particularly the mech combat, the part that remains grindy through the dumb proficiency system), and combat may not be perfectly balanced (if you weren't shredding through mobs with Sierra, what were you even doing?), but… Everything surrounding combat just felt so full of fresh potential, and took so little time besides, with the already quick animations whooshing by at the press of a button, that it was extremely easy to forgive any faults.

There are many creative changes made out of battle as well - the most interesting of them being the reward board. It's simple to explain - very early into the game, you unlock a list of objectives spanning the entire world map, laid out on a grid. The tasks themselves range from 'enter the area' and 'beat this specific monster type' to 'beat a miniboss without taking damage' and 'open every single chest you can find'. The cool part is that, while each square provides a reward on its own, there are bigger fish to fry, as there's a separate list of items you get by filling out squares adjacent to each other! It's genuinely impressive how effective this elegant system is at getting you to engage with the world you explore… at least until you realize how ridiculous the late-game tasks can get. And even here, there are misguided ideas that threaten to ruin the gameplay flow - for example, the gem system, that was likely inspired by its simple and functional counterpart in Xenoblade 1, is exceedingly convoluted and involves lots of boring fishing for item drops for somewhat negligible advantages.

It's when the game stops copying the greats that bigger cracks begin to show, though. As a whole, Echoes' writing is a weak point - both because it seems to favor shock value and piles of barely logical twists over anything coherent towards the finish line, and because this game's sole creator took great pains to write the script entirely by himself, in a language that's not his own (guy's from Germany, if I remember correctly). Being bilingual myself, I'd like to say I can imagine how much of a struggle that must have been, and you seriously have to respect the hustle, but it doesn't mean that the end result of all those efforts isn't faulty and should be safe from criticism.

This is a game that very clearly would have benefited from just one more person looking over the script and flow of the plot - if practically every main party member winds up traumadumping to keep the player's attention as tropes they'd probably seen in Chrono Trigger before play out… once again, something has gone terribly wrong, especially since most of said characters weren't too appealing in the first place. This makes Chained Echoes one of the RPGs where the G part is stronger than the RP part, for better or for worse. But it's fun while it lasts, and not the worst way to spend 40 or so hours!

Pokemon Black (DS, 2011) [♪ Relic Castle]

Everything went precisely as I predicted, with the exact problems I imagined I would have, but I finally managed to find the mystery of what makes the series tick for people, both on a general and personal level. Pokemon has spat on some of my detrimental gaming tendencies (as in, the urge to explore everywhere that exists and obtain everything that moves) and in the same breath provided an experience that, in all its flaws, either objective ones or stemming from my own misunderstandings, proved to be surprising at every turn. It's, uh, really cool.

Now here is a funny thing: I cheated. In the literal sense. And I did that a lot. Here's what I used in Black, just cause I can put it out there:

full exp share without needing to swap your whole team in (they should just make this a toggle in the settings, the fact that they never have, not even in newer entries, is baffling.)

forcing any Pokemon within the regional dex to spawn. I probably wouldn't do it ever again, cause now that I understand what Pokemon wants to be, I also see there's really no point to forcing Pokemon to appear just to box them - it's harder to get any sort of bond with your creatures going that way. In addition, a lot of the alternate Pokemon at least get shown off in mandatory fights, so there was no point fretting over not getting to see them (you have no clue how happy I was to see N with Reuniclus, it just felt so right). The series is lying to you - the real joys are NOT in catching them all.

Season switcher (since I played 90% of the game in December, and it took less than a month to beat, it kinda sucked seeing the dreary winter variants all the time. I don't really blame the feature itself, it's just that I don't like real-time-sensitive things in games - especially when they're linked to unique rewards. I loved Deerling and the concept behind it, but just because it was December, I'd have been robbed of its illegally adorable spring variant without cheats! Boo.)

Spawning phenomena and random encounters at the press of a button. Probably the key improvement to the experience! Call me spoiled by modern RPGs, but I have grown from disliking pure random encounters to disdaining them, and this allowed me to segregate area exploration (which was enjoyable in its simplicity and layering through the dowsing machine) and making sure my catching and leveling is up to par while I chill out listening to different pieces from this game on loop or catching up with a stream - two goals that, to me, kinda don't mesh that well on their own. Especially with the normally horrible phenomena appearance rate.

Suffice it to say, my experience with this game was not quite the intended one, but I am still glad for it - it allowed me to get over my preconceptions and expectations of this storied series and, at least to some extent, prepared me for whatever entry I will choose to engage with next (likely Black 2). Next time, I won't be bending the game to my whims quite as much, but I feel like my frustrations with this series heavily relying on missable content will always remain.

With this silly kind of disclaimer out of the way, let's try to talk about Pokemon Black itself. The first thing I remember is just how linear it was - you walk through route after route and claim one badge after another until you find yourself facing the champion, which is where the game finally pulls its rug from under your feet. By now, it should be obvious that I enjoy not having to fuss over what to do next, so I found this to be a boon, but I could absolutely understand longtime fans being irritated by how little choice you have in matters.

Speaking of which, Unova robs you of choices in another infamous way - for the duration of the main story, you're forced to use the new additions to the Pokedex. Once again, this is something that bothered me less than it would most people, doubly so because a lot of the seemingly commonly hated new (for their time) designs actually appealed to me a fair bit. If there's only one Trubbish and Vanilluxe fan on this earth, it's me, or however that meme went - I would give my limb and soul for object Pokemon, I think that's one of the best ideas of the series ever.

The graphics certainly aren't much to write home about and didn't truly age gracefully, but nonetheless, they likely stand the test of time better than the entries following would, and are more than serviceable. With sweeping camera angles, detailed Pokemon sprites and larger-than-life vistas greeting you as you bike from town to town, it's clear this game wanted nothing more than to impress players, and I'd argue that it succeeded, given the timeframe of release, and especially the region Unova was inspired by.

The music, however, is where the game really shines - with town themes ranging from sweet and cozy to ones that end up never quite leaving your mind (remember how Driftveil City became a huge meme? Oddly, I feel like that's enough proof of how awesome the soundtrack is), character themes that feel tailor-made and convey more about them than their own dialogue sometimes, and sufficiently catchy battle music (with the standouts, of course, being reserved for the more… legendary encounters).

When it comes to the story, I... appreciate it existing. It was what I came to this game for, but I ended up staying more so for the team that I lovingly chose for myself and that carried me from dungeon to dungeon. It's not bad by any means, and I can see why people want the series to even try something like this again, but what's bold for this series is overdone for many others.

That said, they really nailed basically everything about N, dear god. I love him so much. And while I might not be familiar with how the series usually handles rival characters, I enjoyed getting to compare and contrast between Cheren and Bianca's personal struggles. Cheren's theme is a banger, to boot.

PS. I hope whoever decided Volcarona should evolve at level 59 explodes somewhere, that was NOT worth it.

Shin Megami Tensei IV (3DS, 2013) [♪ Aboveground Urban Area C]

BEHOLD, MY DEMONS! (pictured: not demons)

Holy shit, an actually fun dungeon crawler from the company behind the ever so boring Etrian Odyssey that I decided to play only thanks to Tumblr memeing on the glorious Black Market theme? Who woulda thunk.

If you say you play this game for the plot, I will not believe you. I'm here for the character design (equal parts silly and god-tier, which, going by my opinion on Xenoblade 2, is just what the doctor ordered), the surprisingly exhilarating kill-or-be-killed battle system designed around finding and capitalizing on weaknesses, coupled with the distinct gameplay loop of fighting, coercing and fusing demons, the incredible atmosphere every grossly pixelated texture seems to ooze, and most of all, what might be one of the greatest soundtracks in all of gaming, to me.

The music is what single-handedly turns what would otherwise be a forgettable, convoluted and at times almost offensive experience into something outstanding. Combined with the broad strokes with which SMT4 sets up and gradually expands its setting, it's jaw-dropping just how big of an impression the game can leave you with while utilizing what feels like the bare minimum in terms of visuals (I mean this in the best way possible! I love when games make the most of their limited resources). It's a shame, then, that these two qualities practically carry the game on their back, riddled with flaws as it otherwise is.

Seriously though, the storylines manage to be simultaneously straightforward and messy somehow, to the point where even the self-proposed 'golden' route is easily questioned by a player who's willing to give it a minute of thought. There's enough to latch onto here for impressionable people, but the truth is, SMT4 loves to oversimplify complex matters in favor of haphazardly committing to extremes, which in turn ruins its leading characters - each in their own way, as they refuse to grow and develop most predictably, even if you go out of your way to give them a chance.

(how the fuck are you supposed to take a game that has this textbox in it seriously? This is divinity talking, you know)

The worst part about it all is that while it's you, your player character, influencing the world, you're not really given an explanation of how your actions change things until it's already too late and you're left on your own to gape at how you trying to be nice to people actually led to what's functionally an elitist genocide. That is, if you weren't like me and didn't end the game prematurely with the ending that wipes out everyone instead of most people that are baselessly declared filthy and unclean. And if you want to see a path that pretends to be more reasonable, you have to use a guide and jump through hoops and fetch quests beforehand. Yeah, sure, that's fine.

I'm sure there are many more things people more familiar with SMT could critique when it comes to this entry (especially since I mentioned nothing about the Chaos route, which I frankly don't remember), but the fact that even me, a complete newcomer to the series, ended up less than impressed with SMT4's overall message... has to say something, no?

And yet, the experience remains unique and, in the most literal sense of the word, addictive. Maybe it's just my monkey brain willing to give games a pass if their mechanics click with me hard enough, but... It's fun to explore a kingdom and city in turn, to uncover bits and bobs on your map as you hunt for relics, to overwhelm your enemy in a single Press Turn, and even to get lost in the horribly designed Domains, all the while the literal coolest music you've heard in your life keeps playing. And soon enough, you come to feel that strange familiarity and comfort as go through the motions and backtrack to Mikado for the 100th time.

I'll be honest, this shit is why I yearn for more dungeon crawlers to love (that aren't just Brandish...) all the time. Hopefully I'll eventually man up and play another entry in this series, so I can better understand what the core fanbase appreciates and wants from Shin Megami Tensei as a whole.

Octopath Traveler II (PC, 2023) [♪ Cait's Theme]

(Someone tell me who had to sell their soul to make such gorgeous boss sprites...)

I missed my chance to engage with OT1 back in the day (mostly because I was put off by middling reviews), so to see the series spring back to relevance this year was actually a lovely surprise, especially with me gaining appreciation for HD-2D after playing Live A Live. It really felt like everything had aligned for me to get the most out of Octopath 2! Even more so because this game is a shining example of how to iterate on a sequel.

Most fans say there's barely any reason to return to 1 after playing 2, and they're frankly right. It would be harder to say what 2 did not improve on than to list all the positive changes! But here I am, trying to explain just how many elements had to combine to create my actual favorite RPG of the year. Here we go!

First off, this is the prettiest HD-2D game yet, pulling all the stops when it comes to polishing the style. There are more refined details in the scenery, every sprite looks buttery smooth, and with the new day and night cycle, OT2 is extremely eager to show off just what its lighting engine is capable of. This game is simply a treat to look at no matter what you're doing, and the soundtrack matches the ambition it exhibits.

There are more voiced cutscenes than before and you can let them autoplay - a small but vital quality of life change. The main stories have a decently varied structure compared to the previous game's rigid formulas, and the sidequests generally value quality over quantity (though they're still not much to write home about, and they're a pain in the ass to actually find and keep track of - this game has the most useless journal of any RPG).

One of the core elements of the battle system - the jobs your characters can use - are rebalanced and made easier to understand, and there's more of them to discover for yourself. As a whole, the tools you get to use in battle are greatly expanded, but more on that in a bit.

Lastly, it's easier to witness the cast interact, because they fixed the travel banter system! (Can't believe they made so much of what makes these characters likeable so easy to miss before...) There's more of these interactions to see, too - Crossed Paths, quests tailored to specific character pairings, are a genius addition to the game, if somewhat underutilized. They actually bothered to try and tie the eight stories together, as well, compared to the pathetic whimper the first game ends with! Though whether the attempt was successful is debatable, what's there is not half bad.

While I do believe I would have laid my eyes on this game eventually no matter what, due to the praise it's been getting in circles of RPG fans (I wish OT was more recognized than it already is, even if it is decently popular. The potential the series has is off the charts), what really pushed me was Hikari's very existence. One look at him, and you just know he's gonna be involved in an epic struggle and have to fight for his friends - and that's exactly what he does. It's glorious, and fits the overall message\vibe of the series - that is to say, getting to go on a journey and find new friends for your cause and new experiences - exceptionally well. This is why I, and most people, would probably recommend you start with him, though of course, you're free to do what you want.

Being relatively free to explore instead of roped along to go places like a traditional RPG would is a double-edged sword, especially because Octopath locks in your first chosen character, so they usually get overleveled, but at the same time the game expects you to have a functional (evenly geared and leveled) party of eight by endgame, which you might not be aware of and only have four peeps prepared. This could be solved with a simple toggle to give benched party members the same amount of EXP, or - and they literally do this in the endgame, so why not before?! - let us freely swap any time instead of only getting to do it in towns.

On the other hand, getting to watch eight (seemingly) disjointed stories unfold makes for a refreshing experience where you never know what (or who, at first) you will find. The travelers are divided half and half between two continents, but on my run I screwed it up - I got really curious about what's up north, which led to me finding Osvald early (and his chapter 1 warning scared the crap out of me for no reason, lol), so three characters were from the west and one was from the east. It's not nearly as big of a deal as I make it sound, especially later on with more options available, but before you discover such things and adjust yourself to what the game wants from you, it can feel quite challenging.

Speaking of challenging, I loved how the battle system in this game works - even if it's your typical turn-based bells and whistles with a job system attached, at least at first glance. The jobs themselves, while probably not groundbreaking or anything, still succeed in giving the party members their own ways to shine and even diversifying their movesets, thanks to the mechanic that lets you freely mix and match jobs! You can optimize to your heart's content, or mess around and go with the prettiest outfits.

(look at them!! just look!!)

The bread and butter of this series, however, the Thing it does to distinguish itself from myriads of other turn-based games, is the Break and Boost systems.

Break is simple enough to explain - each enemy you face boasts a certain number of shields, and before you figure out their weaknesses and break through, you're unlikely to deal any significant damage. Finding weak points can be cumbersome at times, especially if you don't have a Scholar to reveal them for you (I admit to looking them up occasionally instead of wasting SP\BP with Analyze), but it still doesn't take too much time, even less if you know the one trick to it. And your reward for doing so is getting a free turn to dish out damage (or set up buff combos)!

Boosting is an entirely different matter, though. In addition to the usual health and skill points, your party members gain a boost point each turn (provided they didn't use them on the last turn). You can have up to five points in reserve, and you can use up to three in a single turn to augment your chosen move - from simple damage increases to attacking multiple times in a turn (to break shields faster) to making buffs and debuffs last longer… basically everything gets much better if you boost. There are even special moves called Divine Skills that require 3 BP to use in the first place, and funnily enough, they range from game-breaking to actually kind of pathetic.

What's more, each character has special actions in and out of battle that are mostly unique to them - for example, Castti, the apothecary, can concoct powerful brews to aid you or damage the enemy, and in towns, she can chat up NPCs to get information by day or put them to sleep with specialized herbs by night. Meanwhile Hikari, the warrior, can learn skills no one else can by fighting NPCs one-on-one, which can be extraordinarily useful or... something like this:

The NPCs themselves don't seem too impressive at first, but as you make use of your characters' Path Actions, you realize that most of them have a small story to tell almost entirely through game mechanics, reminding you how vital worldbuilding is to an open-ended game like this. Robbing children of candy with Throne or getting to uncover short, but ridiculously dark backstories with Osvald never got old.

OT2 adds a cherry on top of all these layers by giving each party member another unique move in Latent Powers, which, too, can be either ridiculously overpowered (hello, free concocting?! why yes, I want to give my entire party 2000 HP, 200 SP and 1 BP at literally zero cost!) or incredibly niche (Osvald really got the short end of the stick here - you're better off boosting his actual spells than using his latent, which at best is only useful when Mugging and feels like an afterthought.).

And before all of that even starts, you have to pay attention to how you kit out your party. It's not just about what equipment has the bigger numbers - you need to consider its secondary effects, too, but more importantly, you need to pick the right secondary jobs to have a party that's truly well-rounded. If you explore the world thoroughly enough to unlock lots of job licenses, the sky's your limit, really - but the idea is to have a healthy balance between weapon types and skills while playing into each character's natural strengths.

You'd think having to make so many choices would feel overwhelming, but there's plenty of opportunities for the player to acclimate to the system and make it work for them. And they better learn the ropes quickly, because in boss battles, Octopath expects them to use every one of the tools they have. The game doesn't really go out of its way to explain how your skills can synergize to wreak havoc upon anything that stands in your way (sometimes before the enemy even gets a chance to act!), lending a sort of simple and pure joy to the moment when it all just clicks, when you begin to try out one bonkers combination after the other (does Critical Scope work on magic spells? Just how powerful is poison in Challenge fights? If I make Osvald a thief, will he still hit the damage cap with Aeber's Reckoning?), and they all just… work. Before that point, the game isn't afraid to kick your confused ass to the game over screen, but if you experiment, it won't be too long before you emerge victorious every time. To be rewarded like this for taking in your every option is immensely satisfying.

I also have to give a shout-out to the voice work done for all these battles specifically - every character gets a unique line for every move in every class, and they react to fellow party members breaking enemies or getting low on health. Really, the amount of detail in this one specific regard is just insane. Add to this the fact that you can fight at double speed with a press of a button (sure, this is nothing compared to how 6x turbo mode in Trails spoils you, but it's better than nothing, and for a game like this, it's enough), and battles in OT2 flow like a spring breeze, especially since, due to gear mattering more than level, you're not really encouraged to grind throughout the main story… or stories, as it were.

You'll have to forgive me for spending so long rambling about gameplay intricacies before getting to the game's actual draw - the eight different plots it offers you and the open-ended structure that comes from it. The truth is, most of these stories start out with a bang, but few of them have really enjoyable resolutions, and even less will manage to impress seasoned players.

Not to mention that, aside from the skit-like travel banter, they're completely isolated from one another, further lending to the feeling that your party members are less characters and more movesets. This is likely the most common complaint the series gets, and I have to say, it felt odd at first to me as well, but by now I'm a little tired of seeing people rag on the lack of connection between the stories. Having smaller vignette-like stories instead of an overarching plot is something you never see other RPGs do nowadays, it's one of Octopath's selling points, it's practically its beating heart, and it's something done with purpose. An artistic choice not being something you're used to is no reason to completely disregard it, even if there's room to grow and improve.

And plenty of room there is - while the stories have enough meat to them to enjoy what's happening in the moment, the boss fights in them are as cool as always, and the voice work accompanying all of the scenes is just lovely (though it can be poorly mixed on occasion - looking at you, Ori!), the core of the individual tales is usually somewhat basic and a little underdeveloped, if not downright nonsensical. Ochette's story could probably be put in a Pokemon game with very little changes, and, sorry to say, I don't mean that as a compliment. Having the plot revolve around catching legendary creatures to save the world had me mostly snoozing, controller in hand.

Or take, for example, Partitio and his charming, resourceful butt. It's hard not to love him, but if you think about what he's doing for more than a moment, it doesn't quite make sense - how do you go about squashing capitalism on the entire continent on your own, much less by ushering the world into the industrial era? Isn't that having too much faith in people?

Even Hikari, who started as my favorite and ended just the same (Howard Wang killed it as his voice actor, let's be real), doesn't have a particularly compelling plot going on. His story of having to take off to reclaim his kingdom is, I'd wager, one with more wasted potential than others, given how the whole cursed bloodline subplot just went nowhere. And don't get me started with Throne - I got spoiled on what happened at the end of her story and refused to believe it until the farce was staring me right in the face.

The exception to this would probably be Castti, whose tale of self-discovery and determination, while still playing out by the books, ended up genuinely touching all the same, with a natural escalation of the stakes in it and a wonderful conclusion that integrates gameplay mechanics particularly well, having you personally concoct the remedy to save a whole region and give them peace.

The one thing that elevates every one of these plots, every failure and success of this game, is its soundtrack. I'm not sure if I wholeheartedly prefer this OST to the first game, but they're both just outstanding. While it was easy for me to pick a single favorite to show off, it's hard to overstate just how awesome Yasunori Nishiki's work is as a whole, and we'd be here all day were I to keep pointing out the majority of the music as the masterpiece it is. The themes for various locations are lovingly crafted to suit the mood, with an awesome choice to add ethereal vocals for some of the night themes to make it more atmospheric (my favorites are Roque Island, Tropu'hopu, and, of course, the kingdom of Ku), and the character themes are particularly well thought out, expanding on their personalities in ways the text never quite could. Shout-out to both Agnea's theme and her Song of Hope, and the ways they tie her whole plotline together!

Octopath Traveler II turned out to be my sleeper hit of 2023, and has done so much more for me than I expected it to. Now there's nothing left for me but to yearn for an even more polished and expansive continuation to the series!

A Hat in Time (PC, 2017) [♪ Heating Up Mafia Town]

I feel like I owe much of my enjoyment of this game to my inexperience. 3D platforming is one of those genres that is practically integral to gaming itself (and collectathons, more specifically, are niche only in the most technical sense), yet before playing A Hat in Time I'd refused to engage with anything of the sort out of sheer principle. "What fun is there in getting perpetually lost while trying to hunt for pointless thingamajigs scattered all over?", I'd think to myself. I'd see people online wax poetic about the old classics like Banjo and Spyro and such and find it all completely incomprehensible.

In comes Hat Kid, and from the word go it's obvious that the name of her game is… silliness. After all, the question isn't 'why should you sow fear in mafia goons and crash onto filming sets', it's 'why shouldn't you do that?'. And as you get roped in by the absurdity of these subplots thrown at you, with so many NPCs having a goofy one-liner or three to say, you realize that behind these layers of charm are solidly crafted sandboxes for you to just enjoy yourself in, coupled with delightful sections that are, for all intents and purposes, obstacle courses.

I enjoyed the latter much more, as I tend to do, but they're two different sides of the same great coin, so to speak. And aside from a couple specific levels that gave me a headache (like the long-ass parade level, the infamous Alpine Skyline hub with how long traversal takes in it, and ESPECIALLY The Twilight Bell. Holy shit, that one just wasn't fun for me after a while), exploration was rewarding, and pretty smooth sailing - with good variation in level structure and near endless attention to detail (be ready to sit there like 'they made a unique animation just for that?!').

A part of what made it so easy to enjoy was how simple the movement in this game is - what you have at your disposal is, essentially, a double jump and a dive, which can be canceled out of. That makes it great for someone like me, who still fears being forced to get acquainted with a complex control scheme in a game with movement as the focus (the 'why press three buttons when one would do' approach), but at the same time… it means that there's only one optimal way to move through the world quickly, so dozens of hours in, I felt as if I could repeat the button combination endlessly in my sleep.

Sure, there's badges that can change your experience substantially - making you dash faster, or turn into an ice statue in lieu of a ground pound, or use a goddamn hookshot, or a bunch of other things, but… having only three slots for them, and knowing one of them will probably be always taken by something like the No Bonk badge (which feels like an essential quality of life feature) is severely limiting. I would love it if there were more slots to prevent constantly having to compromise and switch badges around… or a slightly expanded base moveset for Hat Kid.

On a more positive note, I loved the more tightly directed and difficult experiences that the optional Time Rifts offered. Finding them might not have been half as fun as clearing them, but the reward was more than worth it almost every time. And that's to say nothing of the game's presentation, which is sublime in how stylish it is. I could see people being set off by how the art style feels purposely crude at times, but personally, I couldn't care about that less - it only adds to the charm, in fact.

The music, meanwhile, is peppy and upbeat every step of the way, and fits the mood of the game perfectly. Even though you find yourself revisiting the same levels numerous times, there are always new versions of the tracks you've come to like, and neat twists to the traversal process - it's obvious how much A Hat in Time wants you to relax, be entertained, and enjoy the ride. That might come at the cost of it not telling a particularly gripping story, but it's hard to hold that against the game. Sometimes you just want to bonk mafia goons on the head for a while, you know?

Tower of Heaven (PC - Flash, 2009) [♪ Indignant Divinity]

There is no prize as precious as that which you have lost.

Tower of Heaven, to me, is about going back to the roots - in the literal sense, as your character gets cast down and smitten by lightning over and over, and in a sense that's more meta, as there's definitely a sort of through-line puncturing the developer's offerings; one that presents itself in subtle ways, but is plain to see regardless with every game you boot up, and every death that makes you chuckle at your own subpar execution. So, in essence, me playing this platformer (on my birthday, no less! good to know there's something you can rely on even on otherwise middling days) became this experience about paying respects to foundations laid in the past so I could better appreciate the legacy they leave in the future.

It's kind of a tall ask for a game this small and niche (and Flash having been murdered in cold blood absolutely does not help! Everyone say thanks to that one post about Flashpoint that was making rounds back in the day, it made my mission to experience this game that much easier!!!), and I do admit to over-exaggerating the feeling, but still, it's hard not to feel affected in any way, as insignificant as it may be, while playing Tower of Heaven. The presentation is subdued and few words, and hours, are spared to explain your situation. It's just you, the blocks and doors that comprise simple levels in front of you... and a godly force seeking to work you hard as you try to go ever higher.

But as you walk through the first door on your way, the soulful music kicks in and begins to swell (if I were any more nerdy, this game would have probably become my favorite example of leitmotif usage at the drop of a hat. People who complain about this soundtrack are cowards), and your journey starts to grow more complex, little by little. As the levels slowly expand, so do the rules the mysterious force encumbers you with - combining to demand you make a singular, perfect path forward for yourself. This feeling of honesty and straightforwardness between designer and player is one of the key things this developer simply never fails at, and a part of what made me fall in love with it all in the first place.

The twists along the way may be small, but none of them feel like a waste, and as the game comes to an end, a familiar theme of standing up for yourself and facing a world unknown comes to the surface, and you can't help but feel... accomplished, if only a little. It was you who started this journey and you who brought it to its inevitable end, after all! But when you see the credits, plainly stating your basic stats, you might gawk a little. Secret rooms? What secret rooms?

With that simple move, you're encouraged to spend just a little while more - looking around, polishing your movement, paying more attention. It's not like the secrets are hard to find (or are, indeed, worth anything - it's incredibly fitting that the rooms contain treasure that is of no tangible worth to the player), but it's the fact that they were there all along that elevates the experience.

Tower of Heaven might not have much to say, but it says what it has to gracefully and concisely, in ways that many other games simply do not. And even as you inevitably fall, it makes you remember - there's always somewhere to go. Always a place to make for yourself. No matter who might be saying otherwise.

Pause Ahead (PC - Flash, 2013) [♪ Hiatus]

In many ways, this game is treading familiar grounds, but it manages to expand upon them gracefully. There's a greater sense of mystery to this one, and a lovely meta-narrative that never feels overbearing - not to mention the obvious difference in presentation and the gameplay change Pause Ahead is named after.

With a light tap of the Shift button, you can ground the level to a halt... while retaining momentum yourself. Knowing when to stop and go is key to making your way forward, as you're, once again, at times belittled and at other times besought by a mysterious voice. And, of course, you're free to simply abuse and spam this feature just to see the small easter eggs and jokes it hides. As should be by now expected, the little things like this make it feel like no time or space is wasted executing a small, but powerful concept, and iterating on it over time.

As you clear a stage, you are treated to a quick playback of all attempts you've suffered through to get this far, reminding you of your persistence and the power you wield in this strange, somehow lonely world. This may be little more than an escape attempt, but it's uniquely yours, and you're free to take your time with it as you please. This, coupled with small, but consistent details like the messages in the fake pause menu I mentioned, leads to a pleasant feeling that you're getting as much out of this game as you put in, and it's relishing your time spent with it as much as you do.

Just like I said before, there's something about the tight design of these compact experiences that is hard to find elsewhere - a sort of wordless understanding that gradually forms as you experiment with the small pool of options given, and manages to stick in your memory long after you put the game down. And that's to say nothing of the tiny, yet meaningful and insanely catchy soundtrack this game boasts, and the return of secrets to haunt you, this time even more expansive.

In just about every way, Pause Ahead is a solid hidden gem that doesn't ask much of you - at least, not outright - but gives you plenty in return: a challenge to overcome, a moody setting to enjoy, a feeling you'll be seeking and failing to find elsewhere for all time. ...or maybe it's just me?

OverPowered (PC, 2014) [♪ A True Hero and More]

I honestly think you should close this page right now and go beat this thing - I left you a link right there. I promise it won't take long, and I'm sure you'll come back with a smile on your face.

Obviously, the one thing that makes OverPowered really impressive is the time constraints it was made under - without them, it's probably just a blip on most people's radar, not even worth looking over.

Fortunately or not, I'm not most people, and I simply came into this little game looking for more of what I'd come to expect from the dev - enjoyable platforming, music that sounds like a balm to my ears (I still remember when I was doing research and I audibly went 'THAT flashygoodness?'), and witty humor that aims to subvert expectations - and succeeds every time. I got all of these things and a hearty chuckle or two, so I have no complaints.

Katana ZERO {again 💿💙} (PC, 2019) [♪ Silhouette]

Killing is the only time we're able to touch that thing we were never able to have.

What can I say? Katana ZERO is significant to me on a personal level, to an extent very few games, if any, ever have been at this point. A lot of this comes from the fact that I… knew it would be so, but at the same time had no clue. It's hard to explain - call it a gut feeling, but even in 2021 I knew there was something outstanding here, something I was tapping into, and even resonating with, but not quite as deeply as I could have been. That knowledge lingered, buzzed in the back of my mind like white noise - even as my hands would begin to ache from how much I'd been playing, how hard I'd been trying to open myself up to the game, even when the memories began to fade a little.

While I was playing, however, I was constantly aware I'd been ignoring the fine details, afraid to rise to the mechanical challenges the game offered, sometimes afraid to admit to myself how much I enjoyed KZ at all - as if it'd been a crime to recognize how it left me yearning in a haze few things can hope to match. When I tried to look back at it, I almost felt desperate to find some flaw, some excuse to lie to myself and mask the passion this game had awakened in me, for a time; and even then, I could only point to how the game's plot fizzles near the end in an attempt to set things up for the future that still hasn't come yet, eager to leave you with a feeling of uncertainty that stings all the more with how pointedly efficient KZ is about nearly everything else.

(see also: images that get funnier with time)

And even now, putting it to words, I just feel silly and dramatic - probably because, despite everything, a small part of me still feels inexplicable shame, thinks I ought not to be obsessed with something like this, something small and unfinished. An experience that some people (who are very wrong) would say is trying too hard.

It's not silly, though, and I have to remind myself of this often. Every time I come back to this game (and I've come back many times over the year - so many I lost count, including the refresher run I did last week, before writing this. It's amazing how much a passing, almost laughable thought can end up haunting you, but that's neither here nor there), I remember how much there is to love about it - how hard it is not to love it, when you realize just what it is you're dealing with, when everything slots into place and the world before you whirs to life in an almost literal fashion - and live it does, no matter what.

This is a story about finding choice where there is none. It's about discovering the truth, staring it in the face just as it has been watching over you, and resolving to do something about it - with whatever little means you have. Because what matters is trying. Without that, what can you do but remain trapped, objective unfulfilled?

But here's the thing: to most people, it's probably not quite like that. It's hard to describe something that hasn't finished telling itself, after all - but these days, that bothers me far less, if at all. If nothing else, it's hard not to appreciate the irony of it - not knowing the future when once you'd thought you'd all but had it. Even if this story's ending never sees the light of day, I feel like I've come to understand it far better, in its current state.

The unquantifiable, almost mythical extent to which KZ goes to immerse you in its world (or, at the very least, in Zero's shoes), if you let it, is one of its most important qualities. Everything this game does, from the more obvious mechanics like slightly branching dialogue options (with the lovely twist of being able to interrupt people) to the subtle touches like the way KZ uses vibration (one of the very few games to do it right, and I'll die on this hill), hides its (surprisingly plentiful, given its length) secrets in almost plain sight, or takes great care in the details of its entire user interface or goddamn dialogue formatting... it's all in the service of immersion, and that goal is masterfully achieved.

Even after spending more hours than most people would with this game, I keep discovering minute dialogue changes, tiny graphical touches, or new options to try that I can't help but smile at. Yes, some of it stems from the strange sort of fear I had that just... kinda prevented me from exploring, but not all - you'd be surprised at just what you can see if you pay attention to your choices.

And that's to say nothing of how pretty KZ manages to make everything look (and sound - you know you have a problem when you get attached to sound effects), how it perfectly walks the tightrope of letting every happening on screen breathe and speak for itself while still allowing it to remain a spectacle (look, I might not be an expert, but I love how this game frames its cutscenes and uses lighting to enhance things further). It tells you that every moment is precious - simply by wasting nothing itself.

Of course, there are more obvious ways the game respects you and your time: interrupting dialogue doesn't just lead to interesting results, but can also save a bit of time; there are a few clever skips (tied to secrets, as well) built into the levels themselves, and you have an option to respawn instantly when you restart a room (or at literally any time, if you bother to assign a quick restart button). This last thing I want to bring special attention to, because I think it spoiled me beyond belief (just look at me complaining about Celeste earlier!).

On top of this, something awesome that makes a return to Katana ZERO from its predecessors is a dedicated speedrun mode, allowing you to engage with the gameplay and practice on your own terms. And like in the other games, using it is in no way a requirement - while there is an achievement tied to speedrunning the game, nothing in the interface itself urges you to push yourself if you don't want to. The ranking system is as important as you allow it to be, and for my part, I'm mostly content with the meager results I got (bet you were wondering why I put that emoji in the title... hopefully it's clear now. If I get a silver ranking one day, I'll be beyond content.). More action games should aim to be as instantaneous and responsive in all aspects as KZ is, and I'm completely serious about this.

The last (but absolutely never the least) thing I want to bring up is the soundtrack. It's the piece in this elegant puzzle that makes everything come together, it makes every moment shine on its own merits and stay in your heart. It's easy to point to the more obviously appealing tracks that accompany you as you actually play, and the way they perfect tension and release (i.e. Delusive Bunker or the ever-so-awesome Overdose), but there's something to be said about the subtler pieces too. End of the Road never fails to tug at my heartstrings. Hell, hearing Come and See at the end of every run still makes me want to explode. And beyond that, well...

Have you listened to Chemical Brew yet? - Tumblr user chemicalbrew

To conclude, Katana ZERO may lack the universal appeal that true classics have, but I believe that at some point it will have carved out enough of a niche of itself to become a cult classic. I would love nothing more than to have a reason to feature this game on my list a third time (we'll have it one day. I'll keep waiting, this much I know), that's how much my love for it has grown. And, really… I hope it never diminishes.

PS. Believe in yourself! 👹 Also, if you're one of the people who has supported me this year as KZ made me descend into insanity, if you're one of the (surprisingly many) people who I managed to convince to give it a chance with my passion, thank you ever so much. And have a nice 2024!

[idiotwithanipad]

Gore AU: First meeting

This is kinda like a POV of multiple characters, an OC of Mine, Amy and @moonah-rose's OC Silver.

(In my Gore AU, all the ghosts memories and mental states are warped due to trauma and time. They're constantly in the mindset they were in moments before their deaths)

...Amy...

Dad isn't watching. I don't know where he is, don't have a clue. He told me he was going to do a sweep of the downstairs to check for 'guards'. He says that a lot. But there's never any guards. He's paranoid, all the time. Whenever he isn't paranoid, he just tells me how precious and important I am. He's not my dad. Not really. But he thinks he is, he's fucking convinced. I never even met my real dad, haven't got a clue who is was. But he keeps telling me that he wishes he could've been there when I was born, that my 'mum' was very private and didn't like him much.

I can't go home. I can go up the lane and past the trees and the gate, but then I just end up backwards looking at the place. I'm stuck. I can't go home. When I try to leave, dad just brings me back. I miss my mum. My real mum. She was a complete bitch most of the time but she's still my mum. I hate it here. I miss my friend Shan, I miss my room. I wanna go home.

Dad hasn't come back yet. Why am I even calling him 'dad'? I can't remember my real mum's name, I need to get out. I can hear something. Is that dad? Is it safe? I don't like it when it's loud. I don't like people shouting. Why do people have to shout? Why can't they just shut the fuck up and go take their problems out on something else?

That's not dad. It's singing. Is that a woman?

...Silver...

It's so good being awake again! Best part is my cheeks aren't cramping anymore! Usually they start cramping by day two. I love it at night, so many lovely sounds! All the crickets and owls and birds and wind! Mummy says that my hair looks beautiful in the starlight, I'd look if I had a mirror. It's not as beautiful as mummy's hair though. THOSE are locks to DIE for!

I can hear mummy by the lake again. I'll go to the grass and dance around for a bit, flatter ground means more space to dance! Don't fancy twisting my ankle on a tree root. More people should dance around at night, it's underrated as fuck! No problems, no creeps cat calling, win win!

Sometimes mummy holds my hands and we skip around in circles, but mummy's hands are sore because she works hard to look after me, a shame really, she's a good dancer, better than me. Sounds like the crickets are cheering me on! Haha, I bet they're having a right laugh! I wonder if crickets can dance? I'll have to give thanks to Demeter for giving them nice grass to sit in!

Hang on. That's new. What's that? Smells weird. Did mummy bring me sweets? I can smell them. It's sugary sweets! No. That's not sweets. It's too artificial to be sweets. Or fruit. What the fuck is that? Wait... I hear footsteps? New friend?!

... Amy...

There's some girl out here. She's twirling around on the lawns. Is she drunk? What the fuck? Who is that? I've never seen her before. Is she just ratassed and has NO idea where she is? Off her face on drugs? Can she see me? Some people don't even see me when I wave. I'll just go check. If I could call out and ask, I would. But I can't. If I open my mouth, that drink comes up. I can't talk anymore, it hurts too much for me to do that. I can't breathe either. I can't fight my own corner anymore. So I LITERALLY hide behind dad now. It's pathetic. I HATE having to rely on people, but I'm scared. I can't fight anymore.

Okay... She's stopped dancing. She's looking over here. She's smiling. Does that mean that she can actually SEE me right now? She's really really smiling, she can see me! Hey! Hey! Over here, you have to help me! I'm trapped!... Wait... What's up with her nose? It's bleeding like fuck. AND her ear. She must be drunk, she's walking like she can't see.

But she's smiling at me, so she MUST see me, right? I'm waving but she just keeps smiling. She's like a happy-go-lucky Walking Dead extra, what the fuck is going on?

... Silver...

A new friend! I can hear their footsteps! New friend! Come here, wanna be friends?! I have one friend but he pretends like he hates me! I can feel your aura already, you seem fun! A little on the quiet side, but better than nothing.

Come closer, new friend, I don't bite! Can't you tell how happy I am? I can smell your snack, or is it a drink? It smells sweet as fuck, is it coke? Nah not coke. Pepsi? Nah. Red Bull? I don't know what the hell it is, but I want it! Can I try it? I can hear it fizzing so it's GOTTA be some brand of pop.

Oh shit! Sorry new friend, nearly poked your eye out then. That IS your face, right? If it is I'm sorry. I can't really see very well, maybe I need glasses? Haha! Aww you got a cute little nose! Squishy lil' cheeks! Big owly eyes, seriously sorry if I poked one of them, haha! Gods, your hair is soft! I bet it's pretty!

... Amy...

Hey! That was my fucking eye! I've tried pushing them back in but they just come back out! I'm already self conscious as it is, you-!...oh, she's blind... I can see her eyes now, they're clouded. But she IS a ghost. She can touch me, it doesn't make me wanna vomit when she touches me.

She's dressed like me, a little. I'm digging the hair, hate pink though. I'd have electric blue. God, she's grabby. How the hell am I gonna talk to her? I can't open my mouth of she'll be drentched. Hello? Anyone? Help!

... Mary...

I doth hears my darling girl's cries of joy. How they lightens the darkest of nights. The pride I feels when she takes to her heel and dances for the trees and the birds. I goes over and weeps tears of such joy when she doth do her singings.

No. Hang ons. She doth speak. The creature doth prowl off to his own spot far away. Who doth she speak to? If it be some devil or some beguiling beast of hell, they shalls burn like the rest! I swears it! Be God as my witness, I will makes them burn!

That be not a demon. That be a girl. I seen that girl before. She doth dwell on the inside of the house. The cloaked one claims her. She lost? She been sent on dirty works? She doth look fearful. My darling girl would'st never harm a fly even it it hath no wings!

... Humphrey...

All clear for now. Sophie will be pleased... I hope. I might get a slap to the back of the head, but that's fair enough. At least she got to safety before the guards got in. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if they hurt her. Yeah, we've got our differences- and language barriers, but who doesn't?

Anyway, better go let Amy know it's safe. Wouldn't have though Sophie would've given our daughter an English name, but the disguised female guard that brought her to me called her by that name, and she's never objected to it so it MUST be her name.

It's alright, Poppet, daddy's back. Won't be long now till-...Poppet? Amy? Amy, love?! Amy! Where'd you get off to? Don't scare your old dad, now, Poppet! Come out, yeah? I know you miss mum, I do too, she won't be long! Let's just go watch those TV things and wait till she gets back! Amy? Amy, love, you'll give your dad a heart attack if you carry on. Come on, answer me, Poppet! Please! Amy, where are you! Oh god, oh GOD, WHERE-...Oh no... I recognize that girl. She's been sent by the witch....

[lemonxlimee]

AUGHHGH LOOK AT THESE FREAKS. SICKENING!!!! they have a ridiculous height difference but u promise it makes sense 🙏🙏🙏 screen (tv one) doesn't actually look like this, his "true form" (or more accurately, the shape that isn't restricting any of his power) is the centaur one i keep drawing sometimes, this one where he's wearing a shirt is significantly smaller than what he actually looks like. sam (black one) is like a goo thing that changes sizes…she's usually much bigger than this but this is what she would look like if she wasn't creating worlds all the time (don't worry we'll get back to that). she doesn't suppress her power like screen does because she doesn't gaf……

ANYWAYS! their relationship is heavily affected by their past so i'm gonna have to scheme through that real quick!! OK SO screen and sam are actually the same person but they're different characters. they both originate from sof, but sof died. when she died, sam took her place… and screen soon became a thing after sam took sof's place. they're all the same person but they're different characters. sooo uhh their deal is that they're the daughter of two gods who only have like 5 souls (which means they're insanely powerful because in this world the lesser souls you have the more power you have) and they only have ONE soul so they're the most powerful thing and the god of gods and blah blah blah. they actually live a pretty normal life despite this… up until sof dies. sof dies because of their father's abuse (HE DIDN'T KILL HER she just died from depression i guess idk). sam, very confused because up to that point she was only like an alter ego, tries her hardest to fit in and THAT'S when screen is created…… screen is originally just the tv because he's just a mask sam puts on. no like literally screen is just a mask he's an object. it's meant to be symbolism for changing yourself to fit in/masking but it's too on the nose for me so i don't think about that part often .um anyways! like sam screen starts off as an alter ego but eventually he becomes so separate from sam he just becomes his own person. st one point sam can no longer take off the mask because……that's not a mask anymore lmao that's a grown ass man….so sam is suppressed into inside of the tv head mask by screen. he does this because in his head he can't risk "letting her out" because then she'll fuck up how people see them… during this period of time it's just screen interacting with people and stuff. but if he shows too much of genuine emotions he starts to bleed or drop goo from his head like this,,

note that he bleeds whenever he any feels strong genuine emotions and the goo leaks whenever he feels strong negative emotions like anger or sadness. i say leak because that's basically parts of sam falling out lol…… so screen is constantly repressing himself from feeling any genuine feelings because he can't risk being perceived. this doesn't go well because after a looong time of doing this something finally makes him snap and sam just. leaves. and because she's been repressed for so long she kinda destroys everything in sight! it gets so bad that everyone there has to work together to send her to The Void,, which is basically the in-between of all dimensions… an infinite white, empty space. so once she's sent there she separates from screen and because of this screen has no soul since sam was the one who kept it. and the thing is that without a soul he cannot create life… this will be important to know later. ugh this is taking too long imma just speedrun it!! basically once they're in The Void they cannot reach the outside world and cannot escape and sam deals with this by creating thousands of worlds which screen sometimes explores. she does this to an obsessive amount (which is why she's usually bigger since she needs to be big to create planets that are big. thumbs up)!! and that's kinda where their backstory ends UGH FINALLY!!!!!!!! I CAN GET TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP!!!

needless to say, things are pretty tense between the two from the very beginning. screen blames sam for being trapped despite him also being at fault of why this happened… girl if you just talked with sam none of this would've happen!!! is he stupid… anyways! sam holds zero accountability to himself but internally feels pretty bad about their situation and KNOWS he's at fault but he just projects all of this into sam, who is victim of needlessly cruel talks and stuff. this guy says to her face he wished she never existed….which hurts because screen is like the only person she's ever known (and this grown attached to). sam on the other hand constantly lashes out at him in direct response to this and "kills" him over and over again (he can regenerate so he can't die. actually he will just not die even if he regenerates… the regeneration is something he has to do himself) to the point he's been completely traumatized. screen gaslights her and allat because that's the only way he has of defending himself against her…… so this is just a cycle of them hurting each other.

the thing is,, they can't go on without hurting each other. whenever sam kills screen is the only time when he receives some sort of affection (sam usually compliments and chats w him as she kills him), regardless of how painful it gets and screen's belittling and stuff is the only time anyone has ever payed attention to sam…. they're codependent because you literally can't take them away from each other. they've broken each other so much to the point only them fit their mold…. THEY'RE THIS IMAGE

THEY'RE MARRIED PARTS!!!! and even if they weren't toxic you wouldn't be able to take them away from each other because they're literally MADE for each other… screen was created as a way for sam to cope …screen has only ever known the burning warmth of sam… and it's intoxicating. reason of why he's in love with her OOPS I FORGOT TO MENTION HE'S IN LOVE WITH HER LOL. he's so full of himself he can't bring himself to fall in love with anyone but a version of him… (sam doesn't reciprocate because screen has made her hate herself so much that she'd throw up at the mere idea of loving any one version of herself). this is part of why he's so adamant on making sam hate herself… because he loves her and he's mad about it because she has traumatized him. this is also why sam is so affectionate and intimate whenever she kills screen… because she's trying so hard to love him, to love herself, but she can't bring herself to do that.

they're not in a relationship per se??? as i said sam hates herself and by extension screen so. scratches head.. but i think that if they were it would be because screen would force her to commit to her words. neither of them would be happy but once the relationship starts they would also not be able to break up because they'd get addicted to being together (THEY USUALLY DON'T INTERACT!!!!!screen and sam avoid each other but they occasionally stumble into each other and interact)… holdon i'm cookimg something… sam would learn to love it and screen would learn to hate it (hate it specifically because he loves it). ohh he'd love it when sam rips him in half and whispers how handsome he looks when he's bleeding…… ugh he's such a freak… ermmm how long have i been writing… LIKEAN HOUR AND A HALF??? okay that's… enough. ENOUGH OF THESE FREAKS UGHhhh. sends them a gazillion bombs!!!!

Holy moly

[warrenwaskilledbyadeer]

Can you pull your head out of your own ass for one SECOND and consider that not everyone in the world shares your experiences?

When did I ever say that LGBTs don't deserve safe spaces? When did I ever say that the fandom bullying was worse than the

FUCKING CONVERSION THERAPY???

You only saw what you wanted to see and didn't read a damn word that I said. You didn't listen to me at all and are just pulling your old arguments you use on anyone you come across on the internet out of your ass so you don't have to actually talk to me.

YES AROACE PEOPLE ARE FORCED INTO CONVERSION THERAPY AND EVEN TO TAKE MEDICATIONS AND RECEIVE SURGERIES TO MAKE THEM "NORMAL"

READ MY FUCKING WORDS

I hope you know that if my mom ever found out that I'm aroace I would be kicked out of my house in no time flat. I hope you know how many people receive emotional abuse from their parents and other family members on a daily basis because they don't experience romantic and/or sexual attraction. I hope you know how many people have SUFFERED from allonormativity and amatonormativity ruling the world since the dawn of time.

DOES THAT MEAN OTHER LGBT PEOPLE HAVE NOT SUFFERED? ABSOLUTELY NOT. ALL LGBT PEOPLE HAVE SUFFERED. WHEN THE FUCK DID I SAY OTHER LBGT PEOPLE HAVEN'T SUFFERED?

I also like your assumption that all aroace people are women. Very not sexist of you. Very progressive and forward thinking.

I also like your assumption that asexuality and aromanticism are not even real things. Why the fuck are you even talking to me if you don't believe that what I experience is real in the first place? Why do you care?

You are a really horrible, self-righteous self-centered person who can't see past the end of your own nose. I never even claimed to be oppressed in my original post. You've been projecting onto me from the beginning just because you want to have someone to fight and feel superior to. You want to get out all your talking points by lashing out at somebody who wasn't even asking for a fight but buddy I've had the worst month of my life and I will FUCKING fight you right now because you deserve it.

Gay people deserve to be protected. Lesbian people deserve to be protected. Pan and bi people deserve to be protected. Trans people deserve to be protected. And aroace people deserve to be protected.

To reiterate what I said before, "basic respect" entails not antagonizing people who are just existing and doing literally nothing else, something that you are clearly incapable of. If my existence makes you so mad, imagine how other people feel about me. Imagine the way people like you talk to me all the time.

Can you imagine your parents convincing you that you are actually straight and you're just a late bloomer and pressuring to find any boy at your school attractive? Can you imagine your friends pressuring you and telling you that it's impossible not to have a crush on anybody and you must be lesbian without knowing it? Can you imagine your faith leaders telling you not to have sex before you're married, but when you try to tell them you're never interested in having sex they relentlessly come at you telling you about how sex is a God-given gift and the most beautiful thing in creation and you must partake in it? Can you imagine every single TV show and movie ever made being about something you inherently can't understand? Can you imagine the whole world constantly screaming at you that you're broken, something is wrong with you, you can't possibly be real, simply because you experience no attraction?

I understand that gay people have had horrible things happen to them. Lesbian people, bi and pan, trans in particular have gone through unspeakable horrors, many of them might even be the same and feel the same.

BUT WHY THE FUCK SHOULD THAT MAKE OUR STRUGGLES INVALID JUST BECAUSE OTHERS HAVE GONE THROUGH THE SAME THING?

Your logic makes no sense. That just means I have even more in common with other queer people, and we all need to unite together in solidarity and proclaim to the world that we are real and we deserve to be accepted for who we are.

All through time, aroace men and women have been to forced to marry and have babies when they did not want to. Gay and lesbian people have gone through the same thing. That does not mean either of our struggles doesn't count.

All through time, unmarried men and women have been seen as strange, or sad, or disappointments because they "never got to have the complete fulfilling life they should have had." Only 150 years ago a woman who wasn't married by the age of 25 was considered an old spinster and a lost cause, a social outcast. In ancient times, women who didn't want to get married and have babies were seen as worthless to society. Yes, it's been harder on women than on men because sexism, but many men have still been and are aroace - they're not incapable of it. That's even MORE allonormativity talking, that all men are just sex-hungry machines.

I hope you know that by calling aroace people "attention-hungry narcissists" you are parroting the far right and the likes of Matt Walsh himself.

I also hope you know that with every word you continue to write to me you are proving the point of my original post. People do not treat aroace people with the basic respect of allowing us to exist in peace and leaving us alone.

Why is it so hard for aroace people to just get basic respect

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Bringing back Black Butler actor AU by writing a bunch of headcanons for it

Sebastian has a dog, yes. He loves it very much, a big fat bulldog that WILL run at you to show you love

The children do homeworks on set so an adult can help them LMAO (don't ask Will though he hated that shit)

Not Sieglinde though, she's homeschooled!! Sucks to sucks, it's not easy being rich 😩😩

Grell and Sebastian are childhood best friends. Sebastian's the one who scored her the role because he "works well with his bestie"

Grell: I genuinely thought I was just going to play a cute butler who's going to have this big gender identity revelation but turns out my best friend just thinks I'm a psychopath so that's nice to hear

Ron originally was a make-up staff who did stand-in for script readings but then the director was like "you're the perfect amount of British"

William genuinely adores Grell because she's been in the industry longer and also she's hot as hell

Madam plays extras after her death scene

Madam: I was just too hot to be alive </3

This is Lizzie's first role and for her great work, she was allowed to bring home 3 dresses of her liking

Had it been their way, Redcliff would've had more screentime and deeper relationships but ig ppl aren't ready for that

The one who breaks character the most is Ciel and the one who does it the least is surprisingly Finnian

Finnian is more known for darker and more serious depictions of teens so when he got casted, everyone was like "we're about to witness mental illness y'all"

Ran Mao is very talkative outside of her screen time. Girlie would infodump about her favorite thing that month to everyone

Mey Rin's a Chinese diaspora and so Lau takes her to 'reconnecting with your roots' trip at least twice a month

Ran Mao's a streamer and it's just her yelling "A FUCKING MONA 💀💀💀"

Lau is actually younger than Sebastian, Madam and Grell so when he first started, he called everyone with honorifics because this is his first non-chinese film and wow you white people really do go call everyone by their names even if they're older

Yes, this is an excuse for him to call Grell "Grell jiejie" and I just think that's cute and I love it. As a Chinese who can't speak Mandarin for shit, I want to call her jiejie LEAVE ME BE

Sieglinde has a very thick German accent that slips sometimes and whenever that happens, she and Ciel starts laughing

Sienglinde: it's not my fault you british have weird as hell accents

Ciel, a british: YOU TAKE THAT BACK

Lizzie brings all the young sapphic watchers bcs y'all,,,my girl is not straight at all and if she is, it's written in the most cursive shit ever

Sebastian on Grell's Instagram comments: SO TRUE QUEEN, MY WIFE, MY LOVE, PLEASE MARRY ME ❤

Grell replying back: lol no you're ugly /j

Grell is unfortunately a brunette irl rip to her roasting her own hair

The ones who are the least like their characters: Ciel (dude he's like 13), William (very sweet and soft-spoken, hates confrontation)

The ones who are literally their characters: Lau (he doesn't have a script, that's just him), Lizzie

Sebastian did actually accidentally stepped on Grell's face. He felt so bad that he kneeled to the floor and basically gave her an apology poem while she's just >:( that she has to redo her makeup

Mey Rin is blind as shit irl, she's just like me fr

Mey Rin: I wished I could see really far instead but no, I can't even see past my own nose

Ran Mao followed Lau's footsteps and calls (only) Grell "jiejie" because she likes her the best LMAO. The highest honor from Ran Mao is if she calls you with a Chinese honorofic, unless if you're Lau in which case she feels obligated to call him 'Lau gege'

Ciel is absolutely in awe with Sebastian's acting skills, he's all starry-eyed like "TEACH ME PLS"

Sebastian could only dance thanks to his theater kid days with Grell

I firmly believe that Sienglinde would love kpop and Hatsune Miku

Finnian has a RBF when he doesn't realize it, it scared Ciel shitless the first time